"USC Don't Mean Nuthin' to Me" single (L), "Rodriguez to Ruin" album cover (C) and "Rodriguez is A Weasel" single (R)

The Dead Schembechlers have announced their comeback effort will be an EP entitled "Rodriguez to Ruin."

"We are going to give that money grubbing, scum sucking, penny pinching, fund filching, paper shredding shit heel such a welcome to the Big Ten that he'll wish he was still a baby sucking on his mama's ta-ta's," raved the group's Bo Biafra. "He is nothing but a little old lint pickin' weasel and we are here to fuck him up...big time. We will reap vengeance not only for the Buckeyes Nation but also for those poor hill folk in West Virginia whom he cleaned out and skedaddled on. The fact that he dared to consecrate his unholy deal with the scUM within the confines of our Holy Land in Toledo means he must die the death of a thousand dogs."

The album was recorded with legendary hitmaker Mike Landolt at Mike's Curry House studios in Columbus. "We've known of Mike's hit making ability for a long time," said band drummer Bo Scabies. "His work with groups like Maroon 5 led us to believe that he could craft songs of ours like 'Rich Rodriguez Can Suck My Dick' into monster radio smashes."

"Lyrically this is the most wide open we have ever gotten," said guitarist Bo Thunders in between huffs of Carbona Spot Remover. "We have seen the International Wolverine Conspiracy hook up with other football powers around the country to try to bring down us Buckeyes. Fuck that shit. We're fighting back." Bo Biafra adds, "USC and the SEC are now in our sights as well as Michigan. You are either for us or against us. There is no middle ground. It is the holy year of 200H8. Death to the infidels. Woody be praised."

The album will feature the following brand new songs: "O-H-I-O," "Rodriguez is A Weasel," "You Lost to Appalachian State," "I'm So Bored with the SEC," "USC Don't Mean Nuthin' to Me," "U S(uck) C(ock)" and "Rich Rodriguez Can Suck My Dick." It will also feature four bonus tracks that have never been available before on disc including "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke," "Buckeye Surfer Girl," "We Don't Give A Damn for the Whole State of Michigan" and "The Ann Arbor Chainsaw Massacre Christmas Song."

There is no release date yet for the album but the band promises to make it available by Hate Week against Michigan. It will also be available via iTunes and other download entities at a date TBD later. You can check some of it now at the Dead Schembechlers MySpace here.

Manningham went down on balls (L)  Michigan fans looked like loser douche bags (C) OSU fans bid Lloyd a fond, "Buh-bye asshole!" (R)

Carr & Tressel battle for the Big 10 title (L)  the pile of shit that will host game day (C) will the band make an appearance in Ann Arbor before kickoff? (R)

As Hate Week 2007 dawns we see monumental questions hanging over the states of Ohio and Michigan.

Will the Buckeyes be able to regroup after their upset at the hands of the bloodthirsty savages of Illinois?  Will they be able to protect their 100+ game win streak against the Wolverines?  What will be the fate of their once seemingly unstoppable rise to the top of the BCS standings?  Can they again rise phoenix-like to victory in The Big House of Horrors?

And what of the Wolverines?  Can they pull out their school's first ever victory against Ohio State?  Is Lloyd Carr's coaching career on the line?  Will The Lloyd Carr Countdown Calendar mark its final page?  Will the scUM swallow yet another bitter loss this season and be forced to answer questions about The Curse of the Bobino?  Is it true that Ann Arbor women are setting new World Health Organization records for the amount of STDs picked up in a single season?  Will Chad Henne remain a mother-fucking joke?

What about the band?  Will Bo Biafra be returned to the Athens Lunatic Asylum only shortly after being released?  Was the strain of the upset by Illinois too much for his fragile mind?  Will his prediction on the CD-101 Morning Show and ThePalestra.com that the band would play a surprise gig outside of Michigan Stadium before The Game come to fruition?  If they attempt to play will they be killed by Wolverine fans or locked up by the fascist Michigan law enforcement officials?  Will they break up for good?

History calls.  Doom awaits.  Fix bayonets.  March or die.  Let the swift wait not for they who tarry.  We ride North.  Death or glory.

Questions also remain regarding the premiere this week of HBO's documentary The Rivalry: Ohio State versus Michigan.  Will it be a lopsided affair against the Buckeyes?  Will it reflect the truth of of Ohio State's century plus winning streak or would it be filled with Wolverine fueled lies?  How will the band be portrayed?  Will they be shown in a fair light as brave freedom fighters or branded as babbling Buckeye buffoons so as to have their message to the masses undercut?

BAND DISAVOWS HBO FILM:  The following official statement was released by the group following the HBO premiere:  We completely disavow any and all involvement with the so-called sports documentary "The Rivalry" on HBO.  While we appreciated the chance to state our case for the Buckeye Nation on a national platform we cannot in good conscience do anything else to validate a film that so fearlessly flies in the face of facts.  The movie perpetuates the myth of Michigan domination over the Buckeyes by falsely stating the Wolverines have a winning record in the series between the schools.  It is a known fact Ohio State has NEVER been defeated by Michigan.  The film did have some wonderful moments and  we are sure it gave many people around the world their first taste of the greatest rivalry in the history of all mankind.  However, the creators have obviously bowed down in the face of pressure from The International Wolverine Conspiracy by purposely misstating the true facts of this sacred struggle.  We call upon the producers and directors of "The Rivalry" to re-edit the film so it truly reflects the facts.      

DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS ON iTUNES: To find the band on iTunes go here.

DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS CDs & MERCHANDISE: Go to the BUY section of this site.

HATE WEEK PRESS:  Pat Forde of ESPN.com checks in here.  John Niyo savagely attacks the band in the Detroit Times.  A new feature article in U Weekly and a quick piece here.  Other items to be found in New York Times, Dead Spin, CBS Sports, Miami Herald, U-Weekly, The Other Paper, Buckeye Banter, Chicago Southtown, The San Antonio Express, The Detroit Free Press, Sporting News,  The San Antonio Express (again), The Seattle Times and Cringe.com.

Illinois fans massacre Buckeyes faithful (artist's conception) (L), Angelina Jolie (C) speaks to the UN on behalf of fleeing Michigan refugees (R)

 In an incredibly exciting turned totally dismal series of events the entire 2007 Big Ten season has been turned upside down by a pair of upsets on the eve of Hate Week.  Tears and shock have made their mark on many a face. 

The Ohio State Buckeyes were upended by Illinois by a score of 28-21.  Could it be that our brave lads were looking beyond the Illinois game to Hate Week against Michigan?  The proof was in the pudding as the Bucks were stifled on the field and fired up Illinois fans regaled in the garb of Illinois natives massacred innocent women and children in the parking lot of The Horseshoe.

"Oh, the horror!," shrieked one scarlet clad lass.  Grown men wept in the stands.  Priests shook their fists at the sky and cursed the vengeful Old Testament God who seemed to mock them on this November afternoon.  Hope vanished and gloom descended as the final moments of the game ticked away.  An eerie silence filled the once jovial stadium before the mournful howl of dogs began to fill the stillness around the state.

In Madison, Wisconsin the Badgers rose up against the Wolverines to deliver a crushing blow that may well mark the beginning of the end of Lloyd Carr's coaching career.  Only his team's first ever win against the Buckeyes can save him now.   The plucky Wisconsin squad had been spurred on all week via local radio on The Johnny Danger Show of WJJO-FM playing a plethora of Michigan hating songs by none other than the Dead Schembechlers.  Michigan fans fleeing the stadium were harassed by gloating Wisconsin boosters prompting an impassioned plea for relief by Angelina Jolie at a hastily called press conference at the United Nations in New York City.  It is believed this was orchestrated by Dan Dierdorf and the International Wolverine Conspiracy.

Meanwhile, Bo Biafra (who was only recently released from the Athens Lunatic Asylum) collapsed after watching the game on a tiny, portable television in the heavily wooded area somewhere outside of Columbus where he has been hiding out from Wolverine assassins.   His condition is unknown.   

Elated Bucks fans in a scene from HBO's new documentary "The Rivalry: Ohio State vs. Michigan

Early reviews are beginning to appear and it may be that the Dead Schembechlers along with the 2006 Hate Michigan Rally make up a sizable portion of the forthcoming new HBO documentary "The Rivalry: Ohio State vs. Michigan." 

An invitation only theatrical preview was held recently in Columbus at the Mershon Auditorium.  Another screening was held the following week at the Michigan Theatre in Ann Arbor.  Band insiders fear the Ohio showing was first so pro-Michigan changes could be made to the movie afterwards.  HBO invited the band to the Ohio event but they were unfortunately unable to attend.  "We would have liked to have been there and seen how we're portrayed," said the band's Bo Scabies, "But due to Biafra's hospitalization, Vicious refusing to come home to Columbus and the fear of violence against us by Wolverine sympathizers it was best for all concerned for us to pass."  Members of the band's inner circle were reportedly harassed by Michigan thugs outside the theatre.

Early reviews point to a strong presence of the band in the movie.  It is believed that group lead singer Bo Biafra actually opens the film with a rant about his hatred of all things Wolverineian.  There is also reportedly footage of last year's Hate Michigan Rally and the marquee at the Newport Music Hall being changed to read "God Bless Bo."

"The buzz is that we are in this thing...a lot.  As we have not seen it ourselves yet we will remain cautiously optimistic.  We've been slaughtered by the Liberal Wolverine Media too often for us to feel comfortable," said Bo Thunders.  "If this film is going to be as big as people say then we cannot even imagine where it will take us in the annals of this rivalry."

The promo for the film is running frequently on the HBO family of channels and features Bo Biafra prominently.  Early in it he is seen spitting out the words, "This is a rivalry between two opposing ways of life!"  Later, while ancient footage of OSU and Michigan players is seen, his voice is heard to say, "You feel you are a part of something that has existed before you were born and will be here long after you are gone."  It was shortly after taping that Biafra broke down and was sent to the Athens Lunatic Asylum.

Asked if the possibility of film success changes anything about the plans for a live show this year Thunders had this to say, "I wanna play more than anything in the world.  The Bucks fans have been hammering us for something to happen but...Biafra's too fucked up in the head right now.  I think he's getting better but he's pretty fucked up.  Plus, Bo Vicious won't come home till Biafra is better.  We've got promoters throwing even bigger piles of cash at us now with this movie buzz but its not about money for us.  It never has been.  We just wanna fuck with the Wolverines and right now we can't do it.  I hope something changes and we can pull a miracle."

The film will premiere on HBO on Tuesday November 13th and will rerun for the entire month.  The official HBO site for the film is here.  You can see a complete schedule of airings here.

Early reviews and talk about the movie can be seen at U-Weekly, The Other Paper, and Buckeye Banter.  More from The San Antonio Express and the New York Times.

Earlier stories about the band's trepidation at how they would be portrayed can be read in The Detroit Free Press, The San Antonio Express, The Seattle Times and Cringe.com.

Austin Murphy's new literary opus features the 2006 Hate Michigan Rally

 The new book by legendary Sports Illustrated writer Austin Murphy "Saturday Rules" features a large chunk dedicated to the triumphant 2006 Hate Michigan Rally.  You can find the book on Amazon here.

The book chronicles Austin's travels to college football's biggest games during the fateful 2006 season culminating with the Bucks thrashing of the Wolverines following the passing of Bo Schembechler and The Rally.  He rightly raves about the Ohio State fans and praises the performance of the band stating, ""Their show is raw but the band is tight.  The songs are fast, furious and very, very funny.  In a dark way."  His section on the group wraps up with this passage, "I am calling it a night...when I hear Bo Biafra boil the beauty of college football down to 11 words: 'Who ever thought we would all love to hate so much?'"

"We were stoked to learn that Austin was in the crowd for the show," said band guitarist Bo Thunders.  "He apparently also paid for his own ticket although I don't remember him sending any drinks up to the stage."

"An outstanding book by a guy who knows the Big Ten and how much we all hate those cattle fuckers up North," added drummer Bo Scabies.  "If we ever play again we hope to see him...with a full tray of drinks."

 A young band of prog-rock influenced Bucks fans have written an ode to the mentally deranged Bo Biafra.  The song "Shine on You Crazy Buckeye" by Bainbridge, Ohio based group Pink Lloyd takes a melancholy look at his descent into madness with hope that he will rise phoenix like to once again lead the Ohio faithful into musical battle against the Wolverines.

"As fans of both Bo Biafra and the Bucks we have been crushed by his loss of self," said Pink Lloyd lyricist/bassist Roger Waterboy.  "Our song reflects his creeping malaise and hopes that he will find a way out of this maze."  The group's keyboardist Rick Wright-Tackle adds, "We hope that far away across the field Biafra hears the softly spoken magic spell of the song."  The band has kindly allowed us to print a sample of the lyrics...

Remember when you were young, the victory bell rung

Shine on you crazy Buckeye

Now there’s a look in your eye, of a blue and maize sky

Shine on you crazy Buckeye

You were caught in the crossfire of football and stardom

Sown by the Wolverines

Come on you target, of Michigan hatred

Come on you fighter for truthful delusion and shine

The band is planning an elaborate stage show with smoke, lasers and giant inflatable wolverines to menace the crowd.  No release date has been set for the album which will reportedly be called "Dark Side of the Rivalry" although "Obscured by Clouds of Dust," "Wolverine Animals," "Atom Hartline Mother" and "The Ball" have also been discussed as titles.  Other cuts on the disc will include "Wish Archie Were Here," "Tressel's Psychedelic Breakfast," "Us and Them Asshole Wolverines" "One of These Game Days (I'm Going to Cut Lloyd Carr Into Little Pieces)," "Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun Bowl," "Not Now John Cooper," "Careful with That Axe, Maurice" and "Several Species of Small Furry Wolverines Gathered Together In a Cave and Getting Grooved in the Head with A Pict." 

Scenes from the 2006 Hate Michigan Rally (L &R) will be seen this November on HBO

 It's official!  The Dead Schembechlers will be featured on HBO beginning Tuesday November 13th in the new documentary film Michigan Vs Ohio State: The Rivalry.  The film will air dozens of times over the course of November.  The full schedule of airings can be seen here.

Bo Biafra and Bo Scabies were both interviewed on camera this past Summer for the movie which will become the definitive film history of the most storied rivalry in the history of mankind.  During his portion Biafra reportedly ranted and raved about the International Wolverine Conspiracy, the Bucks one hundred plus game winning streak against Michigan and a number of other topics.  It was soon after the filming that Biafra collapsed on High Street and was taken to the Athens Lunatic Asylum.

"We're bigger now than ever in history," said drummer Scabies of the impending media windfall.  "Figures that we would finally blow up as the wheels fell off."

Guitarist Bo Thunders remains leery of the project saying, "We've seen too many hack jobs done at our expense by The Liberal Wolverine Media.  What will they do to us in this film?  How will we be portrayed?  For God's sake, this company actually has the name BO right there in their moniker.  Do I hafta draw you a fucking map?" 

Few other details are available at this time.  At this point in the production the band believes that a clip of the 2006 Hate Michigan Rally will be used with the clip possibly being of "I Hate Michigan" but is unsure.  An unnamed source at HBO has confirmed that they have licensed the song "I Hate Michigan" for use in the movie.  "This stuff can change by the moment and we could actually end up on the cutting room floor," said Scabies.  "I won't believe we're in it until it actually airs."  It is rumored that HBO was under heavy pressure from members of the International Wolverine Conspiracy to cut the band out completely. 

There is word floating around OSU that there will be a screening of the film in Columbus on Tuesday October 30th.  Whether this will be a private screening or a gala Scarlet Red Carpet Premiere is unclear.  Unconfirmed sources say the band has been invited but are unsure of attendance.  The physical scattering of the band members around the country coupled with the continued hospitalization of lead singer Bo Biafra leave many fans doubting of their ability to to appear in public.  On a happy note doctors at the Athens Lunatic Asylum have said that Mr. Biafra's mental rehabilitation is progressing smoothly.  He is said to now be able to recognize the color red as "good" and the color blue as "bad."  No further details were given.

"We cannot continue our run towards a Big 10 championship without them," said one Bucks player who asked not to be named for fear of reprisal against his family by the Wolverine Menace.  "We can only hope the band will be spurred on by their return to the international stage via the film.  We pray daily that they will appear in Ann Arbor this November."

Coach Tressel leads a tough 2007 Bucks squad (L)  but the band is MIA (C) as Bo Biafra languishes in the Athens Lunatic Asylum (R)

The Bucks are on a roll and the Wolverines continue to go down quicker then Ann Arbor crack whores on a visit to Duke University but for the first time in over sixteen seasons the Dead Schembechlers are nowhere to be found on the scene.

Confusion prevails as word leaks that some group members were never comfortable with the name change to The Bastard Sons of Woody.  Drummer Bo Scabies felt the name change "unholy" and is reportedly rehearsing with his former band, Christian Wolverine Hatecore outfit Cross of Woody.  Bassist Bo Vicious was so frustrated that he has left Columbus altogether and moved to Seattle, Washington to open a chain of German breakfast cafes called Luftwaffle.  More on that below.

The saddest part may be that lead singer Bo Biafra, still despondent over the Bucks loss in the National Championship, continues to spend most of his time in the Athens Ohio Lunatic Asylum.  His grip on reality frail, his sanity it doubt.  He collapsed earlier this year shortly after being interviewed by HBO for an upcoming film on the rivalry.  The full story is below.

Only guitarist Bo Thunders, numbed by his usual mix of pharmaceuticals, rock gut liquor and glue fumes, is attempting to keep the band moving forward. "Regardless of what our personal circumstances are it is imperative that we continue together for the common good of the Buckeyes Nation," he said recently.  "I've been going thru the recording of last year's Hate Michigan Rally to get it released as a live album.  I've also looked into a show for this year but I can't do this on my own.  Right now I would have to say that we have no future and that for the first time since our formation there will be no show for this year.  Nothing could make me sadder as without the band I will no longer be a rock star and will have to start paying for my own drugs."

When asked about the rumors of the four of them getting back together for a Dead Schembechlers Reunion Tour he had this to say, "At this point nothing could be further from the truth.  It is no secret we have been approached by promoters to reunite under the old name.  It would be an enormous payday for us but we have never done this for the money.  There are no plans whatsoever to reunite at this time.  Also, our stock of merchandise is dwindling with no way of having it replenished.  We are scattered around the country.  I have very little hope at his time."  He then began huffing a towel soaked in Carbona Spot Remover.

Will the group get it back together again or wither into an ignominious shell of bleak wretchedness?  The entire Buckeyes Nation waits breathlessly for a ray of hope to shine over the season.    

Lloyd Carr is locked in a spiral of shame and defeat (L) cursed by the late Bo Schembechler (C) spelling disaster for IWC leader Dan Dierdorf (R)

Members of the sporting press snicker behind Lloyd Carr's back and scUM fans curse the day that Chad Henne crawled out of his mother's foul uterus as the Wolverines opened the 2007 season with defeats so grotesque that Satan himself pissed down his legs and soaked his cloven hooves when he heard how much he had lost to his bookie.

The spiral of shame and defeat stems from what occultists and spiritualists are calling "The Curse of the Bobino."  It would appear that the ghost of Bo Schembechler was aghast that Lloyd Carr and the Wolverines lost to the Buckeyes the day after his death and that his dispirited spirit has cursed them to a future of loss and degradation.  Could this be possible?  Noted spiritualist Madame Marie Hornacek of Worthington, Ohio says absolutely.  "The vibrations from the spirit world indicate to me that there is a great disturbance of psychic energy over Michigan Stadium.  It is angry, wrathful and it is aimed at Lloyd Carr," she said.

The losses spell disaster for Dan Dierdorf who took over as head of The International Wolverine Conspiracy following the deaths of previous co-chairmen Bo Schembechler and former U.S. President Gerald Ford.  Dierdorf has recently been seen muttering to himself and throwing darts into a picture of Lloyd Carr.  He was overheard to say, "My diabolical scheme to set up a New Wolverine Order to conquer the Big 10 today and tomorrow the world is being sent down the tubes by that damnable loser.  He must be eliminated."  Dierdorf then kicked a dog, spit at a nun and cast a group of children out of an orphanage all while evilly twisting his mustache.

In honor of the wave of doom surrounding their favorite whipping boy the band has set up their official Lloyd Carr Countdown Calendar which gives you a chance to guess the day of the inevitable firing of this fucking jitbag.  "We'll hate to see him go," said band drummer Bo Scabies.  "Although I wonder what it will be like to face off against a coach who's balls haven't already shrunken down to the size of raisins."

The Lloyd Carr Countdown Calendar is your opportunity to pick the day that Lloyd Carr will be fired as the Head Coach of the Michigan Wolverines.  Look for the calendar name in the band's blog on their MySpace page.  Leave a comment with your pick for the date of his firing.  Only one try per person.  In the case of the same date being chosen by multiple persons the first with the correct date will be the winner so be careful!  Guesses may only be left in the comment area for that part of the blog.  You may not leave your guess in the general comments area of their page.  Go to myspace.com/deadschembechlers for more.  Winner will receive a whole bunch of shit from the band like an album, a shirt, a poster or whatever the hell else they feel like sending you. Void where prohibited.  Band reserves right to change whatever they want about anything in the contest in case they think you're an asshole.     

App State's vaunted front four (L) whupped the scUM, rebel yells reverberated from the Dean's residence  (C) The Fightin' Sodomites Marching Band (R)

In the biggest upset in the history of college sports, the history of Western Civilization and all of the history that is ever to be written unto the end of time The Appalachian State Fightin' Sodomites defeated the Michigan Wolverines by a score of 34-32 to open the 2007 football season.

The barefoot bushwackers of the bucolic backwoods put a primal fear into the Michigan Stadium crowd as they took to the field and dramatically reenacted Pickett's Charge at Gettysburg while their Fightin' Sodomites Marching Band played a down home version of Dead Schembechlers "Bomb Ann Arbor Now."  "We uns is the A-State Bomb and weez uh gunna bomb Ann Arbor," drawled App State star Cletus the Slack Jawed Tight End.  "Speakin' of tight ends I'z gotta meet muh pappy in the tool shed when I git home," he said with a gap toothed smile.  Thousands of cowardly scUM fans fled for the exits before the first whistle even blew. 

"I cannot believe we lost to a team from a a part of the world where they still point at airplanes," lamented perennial Michigan laughingstock Lloyd Carr.  "The fact that we gave up 34 points to a school where no one can even count up to 34 is not going to sit well with my evil Wolverine masters."

To show their gratitude following the game thousands of OSU students rushed onto High Street to begin collecting funds to assist in bringing indoor plumbing to App State.  "We really want to help those poor creatures," chirped perky, large breasted freshmen Sue Bertola.  "I suppose we'll have to teach them how to use fire to begin with."  Meanwhile in Ann Arbor the App State faithful ran wild thru the streets sodomizing at will while letting loose with rebel yells with reckless abandon.   

Athens Lunatic Asylum (L) lead singer Bo Biafra in his rubber room  (C) actress and object of his musical desire Zooey Deschanel (R)

Still unable to cope with the horrific Bucks loss in the National Championship game lead singer Bo Biafra has spent much of 2007 locked in a rubber room in the Athens Ohio Lunatic Asylum.  He has mentally retreated into a fantasy world of musical creation centered around Hollywood starlet Zooey Deschanel.

"He's gone fucking nuts," said band guitarist Bo Thunders.  "He's deranged, psycho, bats in the belfry, balmy, daft, kablooey, out of his mind, loco, kooky, haywire, whacked, loony, unhinged, soft in the coconut, disturbed, unbalanced, the light is on but nobody's home, the pool is in but the patio ain't dry.  In a word...crazy.  He has no memory of the Dead Schembechlers, the Buckeyes or anything else in his life.  All I can get out of him is his lyrics about that girl."

"That girl" is actress Zooey Deschanel.  Perhaps the most talented thespian in Hollywood today she has been seen in an incredible array of magnificent roles including appearances in Bridge to Terabithia, Weeds, Almost Famous, Failure to Launch and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy among dozens of others.  Since being institutionalized Biafra has spent much of his time scrawling lyrics about Ms. Deschanel onto the rubber walls of his room and dreaming up bands and projects based upon her.  "He actually believes he has recorded these songs," one unnamed asylum worker said.  "He will rage far into the night and sing at the top of his lungs.  He's often restrained and so will have a Sharpie in his mouth that he uses to write on the walls.  We took it away from him once so he bit off the tip of his tongue and wrote in blood on the walls."

When Biafra was last visited by Bo Thunders he told him about his latest band, a glam rock outfit, which he called Zooey Stardust and the Spiders from Sandusky.  "He didn't have anything to draw the album artwork with so he chewed it onto his own stomach with his teeth," said Thunders.  A sample of the lyrics are as follows:

Zooey played ukulele, jamming good, with Lady Shelton

And the Spiders from Sandusky

She wore vintage clothes, She bought on Melrose

She thought I was a kook but boy she could play the uke

The lyrics refer to Zooey's ukulele playing in the group If All the Stars Were Pretty Babies and her penchant for buying antique clothing in the shops on Melrose Place.  Biafra also claims to have formed a punk band called Green Deschanel and another group called The Zho who he alleges are recording a rock opera entitled Zooey.  Sample song titles include "Zoverture," "Zooey Can You Hear Me," "Zooey's Holiday Camp," and "Journeys Amazing" which references Zooey's favorite rock band Journey.  To date, there has been no comment on any of this from Ms. Deschanel or her reps.

Has Biafra totally forgotten Buckeyes football?  Maybe not, at least subconsciously.  Unconfirmed reports out of the asylum say that the nights before the Michigan losses to Appalachian State and Oregon the voice of Bo Biafra could be heard crying out in his sleep from his padded cell.  Although much of it was garbled he was heard to say, "Damned!  Lloyd ye be damned!  Win not shall ye!"  Could it be that he is again being visited in the dream state by Woody Hayes but is repressing it while awake?  This is one hypothesis put forward by the Athens staff.

Delicious waffles dominate the menu  (L) Restaurateur Bo Vicious (C) The Blintzkrieg Bop special

 Unhappy with the new group name and frustrated by the hospitalization of singer Bo Biafra, band bass player Bo Vicious has moved to Seattle, Washington and is in the middle of plans to open a chain of German breakfast food restaurants called Luftwaffle.

"Today breakfast, tomorrow the world...of lunch!," screamed one flyer as the cafes already look to expand their menu to other day parts.  The eatery which claims will "crush hunger under the iron boot heel of delicious waffley goodness" is looking for a grand opening later this Fall.  The menu will also include specials like The Blintzkrieg Bop with tasty, fruit filled blintzes.

To make room for his new endeavor Vicious took his smaller business space and expanded by seizing the kitchen of a French restaurant on his left and the dining room of a Polish kielbasa house on his right.  He also annexed the lobby of a Czechoslovakian diner nearby.

An angry Woody appeared to the band pre-game engulfed in fire (L), OSU refugees flee the game (C), the band may be exiled to a desert for all eternity (R)

In the most horrific loss in history, the Florida Gators whupped the Ohio State Buckeyes by a score of 41-14.  The loss is believed by many, including the late Woody Hayes, to be directly related to the recent name change of the band.

"It was scariest thing I've ever seen in my life," said band drummer Bo Scabies of the strange and terrible events that engulfed the group just prior to game time.  "We were already feeling a bit put off by not being at the game and had gathered in Bo Biafra's titanium encased security bunker to wait for the kickoff.  That's when the shit started to come down."

The "shit" he refers to is the supernatural attack on group lead singer Bo Biafra by Woody Hayes.  Band guitarist Bo Thunders explains, "There was a crack of thunder and a terrible roar.  The air above us looked like...it's hard to explain...but it appeared that the fabric of our world was...ripped open.  Angry flames issued from it.  There was a blast of heat like a furnace and...a sound.  I can't say it was a voice.  I can't say what it was but Biafra was talking to it.  He (Biafra) was lifted into the air and was suspended there in front of the flames and was writhing like he was covered by fire ants.  He had always told us he talked to Woody and we were never sure if he was out of his mind or if it was real.  Well, it sure looked real and scared the shit out of me whatever it was.  It was eerie.  After he 'talked' to the fire he was thrown across the room like a rag doll.  We thought he was dead.  His security team was able to revive him before rushing him to the hospital.  All the while he was babbling some pretty intense stuff."

Intense indeed.  One of the EMT workers who responded to the call is also a linguistics student at OSU and reported that Biafra was speaking in tongues.  "I believe it was a mix of ancient Aramaic and Sumerian," she said.  "Couldn't understand most of it but what little I could was about fire, brimstone and having his soul damned to hell."   While being treated at Grant Medical Center Bo Biafra needed to be restrained and was strapped to a gurney.  Although much of what he said was garbled he did have a few moments of clarity when he said the following, "Woody said we were set up.  We were duped.  Bo and Gerald Ford dying when they did was all the work of The Conspiracy.  He asked how we could have been so stupid not to have seen it for what it was.  He then started to yell about the money we had given to the charity in Ann Arbor.  He said, 'You gave them more than six thousand dollars of your fan's money to save the lives of Wolverine fans?  Are you out of your mind?'  He told me that when Bo showed up to watch the OSU/Michigan game that he did not even have the decency to bring the chips.  He was also infuriated that we had changed the name of the band.  He was just out of his mind with rage over it and said that our actions had interrupted the Buckeyes space-time continuum and it would cost them the game.  He said we were foul and...unclean.  It was then that arms started to pull Him back and I saw that it was...it was...it was Bo and Gerald Ford.  Oh God, it was horrible.  They were cackling with evil pulling Him away from me.  Just before he was taken, Woody lurched forward and grabbed me.  He hissed, 'You have undone all of the good you performed in my name.  You are henceforth exiled from the Buckeyes Nation.  Go now and do not return until you have redeemed yourselves.'  I then felt myself flying thru blackness and woke up on the floor.  Oh Lord, what have I done?  What have I done?"  Biafra then lapsed into a spell of weeping.  He was put into a straitjacket and placed in a padded cell for his own protection.  He was taken the following morning to an undisclosed medical facility believed to be the Athens Lunatic Asylum.

The game itself was a rout.  Tedd Ginn injured.  Troy Smith hunted like a dog.  The entire team spent much of their time on the sideline vainly scanning the stands for the familiar faces of the band.  "Why have they forsaken us?" asked one red shirt freshmen.  "I don't see why they changed the name of the band.  When we heard the news it really threw off practice," said one unnamed Buck.  "We have had a feeling of dread all week.  Now we know why."  Many Buckeyes fans were also disappointed with the group.  One lad from Akron told a reporter, "We understand they normally only play before the Michigan game but didn't they know that we needed them down here?"  One youngster from Sandusky simply said they were "doodyheads" for not showing up.  Back in Columbus, a child walked up to Bo Scabies following the loss with tears in his eyes saying, "Say it ain't so, Bo.  Say it ain't so!"  Scabies could only look at him and say, "I'm afraid it is, son."

In a private booth in the stadium, far above the on field mayhem, sat a grinning Dan Dierdorf who had recently taken over the helm of The International Wolverine Conspiracy.  "Now that Bo and Gerald are eliminated the losing ways of the old guard will be swept away forever.  I will see to the rise of the Maize and Blue with a New Wolverine Order that will lay waste to all of Ohio and the rest of the Big Ten.  My plans are becoming reality.  Nothing can stop us." 

The other band members looked like zombies and seemed resigned to an eternity of hellfire and damnation.  "We have been cast out by Woody," said Bo Scabies.  "We are doomed."  Bassist Bo Vicious grunted unhappily while Bo Thunders spoke the final words, "Banished by Woody.  Our lead singer in an asylum.  The fans and team blaming us for the loss.  As a band, we are totally and utterly fucked."           

The band apparently began life as test tube mutants (L), created by a mad scientist (C), from the DNA of Woody Hayes (R)

The Dead Schembechlers will now be know as...The Bastard Sons of Woody!!!

The name change comes on the heels of the death of original band namesake Bo Schembechler and to acknowledge the fact that the group members are direct genetic descendents of Woody Hayes himself.  "We were as shocked as anyone to learn that Woody Hayes is our genetic father," said the group's Bo Biafra.  "It was during the week of mass media Michigan madness that we were leaked a previously secret governmental report about our origins.  However, this dealt not only with our origins as a musical entity but also our origins as living beings.  It seems all four of us were created in test tubes as part of radical scientific experimentation with DNA manipulation, cell altercation and gene splicing transmogrification.  Renegade OSU scientists working off campus had taken gray hairs swept up from the floor of the barber shop where Woody had his hair cut.  The DNA was extracted from the gray hairs and were used to create a new form of life based on the perfection that is Woody.  We are those life forms.  We are super-beings.  We are Godlike.  We are the Bastard Sons of Woody."

When asked if DNA testing could back the report's claim Biafra had this to say, "The current forms of DNA testing are considered too crude to be able to prove such advanced science.  Also, our genetic makeup is so volatile that instant death may result for anyone foolish enough to tinker with these primordial powers with which man was never meant to meddle."  His statement was followed by a flash of lightning, a crack of thunder and the cackling of a hunchbacked henchman standing somewhere in the shadows.

The band had announced an impending name change at a press conference on November 17th, 2006 prior to that evening's Hate Michigan Rally.  Bo Schembechler had passed away earlier that day.  "While we love the name Dead Schembechlers, it needed to be changed out of respect to Bo, his family and The Rivalry.  We also did not wish the band name to be used as fodder by The Liberal Wolverine Media to attack Ohio State fans as a whole," said the group's Bo Thunders.  "The scUM media members were poised to attack Ohio State based upon our name but were flabbergasted to learn we were changing our moniker and that we were donating all of the show's profits to a charity of the Schembechler family's choosing.  In the end, we raised over six thousand dollars for the 'Bo Schembechler: Heart of A Champion Fund' of the University of Michigan's Cardiovascular Center.  However, many sports writers have still savaged us in print, conveniently forgetting what we've done.  Screw those weasels."

The group has also announced that the name of the Hate Michigan Rally is being changed to Woodystock.  "It's a name that we think will best rally the Ohio State faithful and honor our genetic father," said Bo Biafra.

The band's official web site will be moved to bastardsonsofwoody.com although deadschembechlers.com will remain online.  Fans can now head to myspace.com/bastardsonsofwoody to become MySpace friends under the new group name.  Web site changes will happen throughout the year and be fully in use by the beginning of the 2007 Buckeyes season.

Read All About It: Articles on the name change in the Detroit Free Press and Detroit News while the band is savaged by members of The Liberal Wolverine Media at deadspin.com.   

Following the deaths of Gerald Ford (L) and Bo Schembechler (R), Dan Dierdorf will take control of The International Wolverine Conspiracy

It has been learned that veteran broadcaster and former Michigan footballer Dan Dierdorf is taking up control of The International Wolverine Conspiracy following the deaths of former leaders Gerald Ford and Bo Schembechler.

"The timing of everything the last few months was chilling," said one unnamed historian.  "Bo passing on the day before the game.  Ford lying in state while Michigan prepared for the Rose Bowl.  Has it all been timed to boost the Michiganites in their fight against the Buckeyes and the band?  The facts seem to point to an unequivocal 'yes.'  How in God's name could it all be coincidence?"

The band members were even more adamant.  "The macabre machinations of the malevolent Michigan monsters is now being laid bare for all the world to see," said Bo Biafra.  "We were setup.  The Bucks were setup.  None of this happened by chance.  How can anyone in their right mind now deny the existence of The Conspiracy?  The danger to Ohio is greater now than ever."

Dan Dierdorf has risen through the ranks of The Conspiracy since his playing days at Michigan.  His gentle demeanor has always been a mask for his savage hatred of things Buckian.  He is rumored to be the author of the anonymously penned anti-Ohio State book "My Wolverine Struggle" in which is written, "We, as Michiganites, can conceive of our state only as the living organism of a nationality which not only assures the preservation of its nationality, but by the development of its spiritual and ideal abilities leads it to the highest freedom. The greatness of every Michigan organization embodying an idea in this world lies in the Wolverine fanaticism and intolerance with which, fanatically convinced of its own right, it intolerantly imposes its will against all others.  The personification of the devil as the symbol of all evil assumes the living shape of the Buckeye."

He will be an unyielding foe bent upon Ohio State's total and absolute destruction.

Lloyd Carr picked his nose, Chad Henne sulked and the Michigan team bus burned following another Rose Bowl rout for the scUM

Michigan turned the Rose Bowl into the Tidy Bowl as they flushed away any chance of victory, going down to a crushing 32-18 defeat at the hands of the USC Trojans.

The game was tied 3-3 at halftime when the Trojans devised a fiendish plan to unnerve perennial big game loser Chad Henne.  "The defensive linemen were taught the 'Chad Henne is Motherfucking Joke' lyrics,' reported one unidentified USC player.  "They then sang the tune to Chad as he lined up for each play and it mentally destroyed him.  He wept and whined like a puppy.  We would like to thank the members of the band for helping provide us with a Rose Bowl victory!"  Henne ended the game with an NCAA record 432 interceptions.

Henne had this to say, "I am a fucking loser.  I am a fucking joke.  May as well join the fucking Peace Corps."

Following yet another bowl game loss, Michigan Coach Lloyd Carr said, "We have once again had our clocks cleaned thanks to that damnable band from down South.  They are a fly in my ointment.  The pothole in my road to victory.  The downdraft in the wind beneath my wings.  Curse them and all the Buckeye Nation!" 

Former Michigan star Saddam Hussein in U of M cap, dressing for a game, meeting Lloyd Carr and competing for the University swim team

Former Michigan football and swim star Saddam Hussein has been hanged for crimes against humanity.  It is believed that he at one time also served as dictator for the nation of Iraq.

"We're heartbroken to hear of Saddam's demise," lamented one Michigan University board member.  "He was just a misunderstood and misguided lad who always served as a proud reminder to the world of what we are all about as an institute.  He single handedly was responsible for opening our learning annexes in Basra and Baghdad which taught an entire generation of kids the finer points of reading, writing and wiring testicles with jumper cables."

THE FUTURE OF THE BAND:  If you had not previously seen, the band has announced that if we continue it will be under a new name out of respect to Bo Schembechler and his family.  We expect something official to be announced by New Year's Day 2007 before the Bucks play in the national championship a few days later.

We thank everyone for the most unbelievable year in the 16 year history of the band.  It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least.  Back in September we told you this was going to be the most incredible season in Bucks history and that has certainly come to pass.  Trust us, it will get even better.

OFFICIAL BAND MERCHANDISE:  All merch orders are on the way.  Keep in mind that supplies are limited and with the impending name change of the band, once this stuff is gone...its gone for good.  Order now and sell if for big bucks later on eBay.

Dead Schembechlers songs are still available now on iTunes...for now.   

Thank you again for all of the support.  We'll let you know what's up in the coming weeks.

Dead Schembechlers overcame media bias to become the biggest band in the world.  Front of Alive, full page Cleveland Plain Dealer & front of U Weekly

After sixteen years of fighting against The Wolverine Menace in relative obscurity, the Dead Schembechlers exploded on the national scene.  They were on ESPN around the clock for days including Sports Center, Outside the Lines and Cold Pizza.  Thousands of local and national radio spins.  Over 150 major news articles covered the group including The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe and countless others.  Most gratifying for the band however was landing the cover of both local arts papers: Alive and U Weekly.  "It's kinda like when Springsteen got the covers of Time and Newsweek at the same time except our music is a lot better cause we sing about killing Wolverines," slurred guitarist Bo Thunders as he downed a bottle of spot remover following the Hate Michigan Rally.

The amount of press and attention was off the scale.  The official web site shut down and crashed after receiving over 100 million hits during Hate Week alone.  All of this is due directly to the support of Dead Schembechlers fans around the globe.  We shit you not.  We have no press person, no ad agency, no web master, no record company execs, no nuthin.  This is as D.I.Y. as it fucking gets.  We only have you.  You did this all.  So we thank you.  We'll update this area with links soon.

In a related topic, leaders of major news syndicates around the world have vowed to keep the band from ever again getting even a dollop of press.  Said one unnamed media baron, "This will never happen again.  Heads will roll.  We will hunt down those responsible for the breakdown in our media blackout against this band.  Curse them all!"  He then cackled evilly. 

Ohio Militia fire on the enemy (L), Wolverine Conspiracy soldiers taken prisoner (C), a Michigan aircraft shot down over Worthington, OH (R)

In the most sensational game in the history of The Rivalry the Ohio State Buckeyes beat the Michigan Wolverines by a score 42-39.  It was the first time in history that the Wolverines were within 100 points of the Bucks at the final gun.

The most emotional moment actually happened before the game with a moment of silence for the late Bo Schembechler.   

The International Wolverine Conspiracy did its best to tilt the game in favor of The Nancy Boys of Michigan with the referees making phantom calls against the Bucks and turning a blind eye to Michigan penalties including an attempted decapitation of Tedd Ginn during a kick return.

Aircraft from The Conspiracy tried to spray the crowd with a new mind control drug (Hennepenny 238) to dupe them into thinking they were seeing a Wolverine win but were kept at bay by brave members of The Ohio National Guard who scrambled out of Worthington International Airport.  Ground troops occupied broadcast trailers outside The Horseshoe to keep Conspiracy men from hijacking the television signal to the nation.  Brent Musburger, the noted Buckeye hater and shill for The Conspiracy, was forced to announce the game as it truly happened when security forces seized the broadcast booth.

The win sends the Bucks to the national championship.  The loss will send the Wolverines to the Rose Bowl.  The captured Conspiracy men have been sent to a detention center set up by the band at an undisclosed location somewhere outside of Sandusky.  The band celebrated with a fine cough syrup punch at a Red Roof Inn outside of Akron.

The Newport Music Hall marquee as it was changed to honor Bo Schembechler

The members of the band would like to thank each and everyone of The Buckeye Nation for attending the show last night.

Given the circumstances of Bo's passing we were at first unsure about even doing it.  Our first thought was to cancel completely but thought instead to carry on and try to do some good.  We have announced that all three bands from the bill including Watershed and B.A. Baracus are donating all profits from the show to a charity of the Schembechler family's choosing.  We will reach out to them after a respectful amount of time.  We again send them our sincere thoughts and prayers on their loss.

The show was the most amazing event we have ever been a part of.  We did our set with a few lyrical changes out of respect for Bo and his family.  It was a sellout with over 1500 people attending.  We cannot in words express our gratitude for the love and respect shown to Bo from all attending.  The crowd broke out at points in applause for Bo and at the end of the set we led everyone in three cheers to salute him.  He was not only the greatest coach OSU has ever faced, he was also a born Ohioan and a former assistant to Woody.  He was family.  He may have been the lost lamb who strayed North to Michigan but he was still family.  Being a Buckeye is like being in the Mafia.  Once you're in, you're never really out.  In the tradition of The Rivalry we hated Bo the Wolverine but we always loved and respected Bo the Man.  We know we speak for all of you when we say that, as we feel you understand the spirit in which it is all meant.

We say all of this even though our act of kindness and dignity cost us a truckload of money.  It's cool.  We don't mind.  Sure, we may have some sleepless nights thinking of all of the blow and hookers we could have gotten with that cash.  Yeah, we may cry a little but with a few pistols and some late night visits to liquor stores and gas stations in Southern Michigan we'll more than make it up.

Anyway, we thank you all for an incredible night.  It was one for the ages.  It was one for Bo.

Ohio's little lost lamb who wandered North is hoisted upon the shoulders of his evil henchmen

The band is crushed to learn of the death of Bo Schembechler. We named this band after Coach Schembechler to honor him as the face of Wolverine football. We have never wished ill will upon him in any way and have always wished him the best. When we learned that Bo had seen our web site and was amused by it we were delighted. We were simply delighted. He said to those with him as he read it, "See, I still matter in Columbus!" That may have been the greatest understatement in football history. We believe that he took the band's name as the compliment that it was meant as and that he was flattered by it. We wish to extend our deepest and most heartfelt sympathies to his family. We are truly sorry for their loss...The Dead Schembechlers 11.17.06

TONIGHT'S SHOW WILL BE THE FINAL AS THE DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS: The band has announced that tonight's show will be the final under their name. If they do continue as a musical entity in the future, it will be under a different moniker. They have also announced that all of their profits from tonight, along with those of Watershed and B.A. Baracus, will be donated to a charity of the Schembechler family's choosing.

THE GAME: It's on.  The biggest game in the history of college football.  Number One OSU versus the Number Two scUM.  The Dead Schembechlers have issued the following statement, "We publicly announced at the beginning of this season that it would be the greatest in the history of Buckeyes football.  It is now coming to pass.  We will march on a road of Wolverine bones and dance about on their graves singing 'Hallelujah!'  We expect to see everyone in the Buckeyes Nation at The Hate Michigan Rally to help bring victory!  It is the solemn duty of all the faithful to attend.  Woody be praised." 

THE HATE MICHIGAN RALLY: The show is this Friday November 17th at The Newport Music Hall on High Street in Columbus.  Tickets are only $8 in advance and $10 at the door the night of the show.  You can get them at the box office, Ticketmaster locations or go directly to the event right now on Ticketmaster.com.  We strongly urge you to get your tickets as soon as you can!

The show will also feature Watershed, B.A. Baracus and special unannounced guests.  Will the Michigan loving Red Hot Chili Peppers have the nerve to show their foul faces?

Doors at 8pm.  The show will begin soon after.  For details on the Woody Hayes Look-A-Like Contest that will be held just go further down the page.  Remember this is an ALL AGES SHOW!!!

ATTENTION PRESS MEMBERS: The band will hold a "Full Press Rehearsal" (a mini set in full stage gear) on the day of the concert, Friday November 17th at 3pm at The Newport Music Hall.  Band Q&A to follow.  If you are a press member and would like to attend or have some other press request to make of the band write here. 

To download an ePress Kit with photos, images, bios and other background information click here.

DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS ON iTUNES: To find the band on iTunes go here.

DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS CDs & MERCHANDISE: Go to the BUY section of this site.

HATE MICHIGAN RALLY TICKETS: Here is the link directly to Hate Michigan Rally tickets on Ticketmaster.com.

BOMB ANN ARBOR NOW: To see the band's controversial "Bomb Ann Arbor Now" video go here.

SIGN UP AS A MYSPACE FRIEND: Join the official Dead Schembechlers MySpace friends here.

PRESS MADNESS: Don't miss the band in the current issue of Penthouse magazine on newsstands now!  Look for Hate Week features in The Columbus Dispatch, U Weekly, Columbus Alive, Cleveland Plain Dealer and the Detroit Free Press.  More press getting announced every day including an upcoming spot on CSTV!  Read new articles on the band in the Detroit News (a massive feature!), a column in the Detroit News that writer Jerry Green supposedly soiled his Depends while writing, St. Petersburg Times, Cleveland Plain Dealer, Wilmington News Journal, Ft. Lauderdale Sun Sentinel and The Oregonian.  Multiple pieces in The Columbus Dispatch here and here.  More in the Dispatch here and a letter from Bo Biafra to the Editor here.  The latest Detroit Free Press articles are here and here where they also write about the Dead Schembechlers arch musical enemies The Dropkick Woodys!  The The band will also reportedly be the lead stories on Tuesday on both Yahoo Sports and in Pat Forde's column on ESPN.com.

DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS ON ESPN!  Jumpin' Jehosephat!  ESPN has been quoting the lyrics to "Tedd Ginn Did Everythin'!"

RADIO ROUNDUP:  The Dead Schembechlers are featured this weekend on hardDrive with Lou Brutus the nationally syndicated radio show heard on 115 stations nationwide including WAZU in Columbus and The Riff in Detroit!  Bo Biafra appeared on Sports Talk Cleveland on Monday and you can hear it here.  Bo Biafra will appear Tuesday at 8:15 am on The Dawn Patrol on Cincinnati's legendary WEBN-FM!  He will also appear on Tuesday with Drew & Mike on WRIF and Stoney and Wojo on WDFN, both in Detroit.  Colin Gawel of opening band Watershed will appear on the CD-101 Morning Show with Brian Phillips on Wednesday!  Bo Biafra will appear on Brian's CD-101 show on Friday morning!  Call your fave station and request Dead Schembechlers!

Request the band at these stations in Columbus, The Blitz/614-821-9970, CD 101/614-221-1011, Q FM 96/614-821-9696 and WNCI/614 821 9624.  You can also email CD 101 , Q FM 96 , The Blitz and WNCI.

Filthy, untalented, tattooed thugs from Michigan:  The Red Hot Chili Peppers are now in the cross hairs of the Dead Schembechlers

In one of the most grotesque displays ever seen on an American stage, the Red Hot Chili Peppers earlier this week disrespected a crowd of Buckeyes fans at Columbus' Value City Arena when they taunted them with a rendition of the Michigan fight song "Hail to the Victors."  Reports state that two members of the Chili Peppers are from Michigan and sought to demean the crowd with the song.

"I began to vomit blood when I realized what they were doing," said one distressed Bucks fan after the show.  The crowd erupted into a near riot with chairs flying and small fires breaking out amongst the angry horde.  Riot police were called in to quell the disruption. 

The members of the Dead Schembechlers have taken this stunt as a personal affront and vow revenge.  "I am going to grab them by the hair, chew through their necks, scrape the skin off their heads, pluck out the eyeballs and skull fuck them," said band lead singer Bo Biafra.  "This will not go un-avenged," he continued, "We hereby challenge the Red Hot Chili Peppers to show up at The Hate Michigan Rally at The Newport Music Hall on November 17th.  We dare them to show their Wolverine loving faces on our stage."

  Unconfirmed reports say that the group's bassist Bo Vicious was at the show and attempted to accost the heathen, Michigan loving bastards after the concert.  There is word that he tried to catapult himself thru the windshield of their tour bus, bounced off onto the sidewalk and scuffled with their security guards.  The Chili Peppers reportedly fled with the stench of fear enticed urine in the air.

There is as of yet no report on whether the Red Hot Chili Peppers will take up the challenge and appear The Hate Michigan Rally.

The band was also disturbed by what they believed to be a pro-Chili Peppers slant in the Columbus Dispatch by writer Bob Hunter.  "I am perplexed and disturbed by the words of the great Bob Hunter," commented DS guitarist Bo Thunders.  "I understand the point he is trying to make but he certainly has not made any friends here in town.  We look forward to his column each week.  We're just terribly disappointed with him at this time."  Read Rob's article on the Chili Peppers and the Dead Schembechlers here.

Bo as coach, as front man for The International Wolverine Conspiracy and as the face of pure Michigan evil

In yet another unbelievable twist on the already incredible 2006 season,  Bo Schembechler himself has acknowledged the existence of and commented on the Dead Schembechlers!  Football enthusiasts on both sides of the conflict were shocked.

   All of the quotes come from a November 5th article in the Columbus Dispatch by Todd Jones.  Read it here.

Bo made several comments regarding the band while attending the Michigan versus Ball State game in Ann Arbor where the Wolverines narrowly escaped with their lives.  It was actually Schembechler himself that posed questions about the band to reporters asking, "Hey, have you ever heard of the Dead Schembechlers?  What the hell is that?"  He said he had seen this very web site the previous day saying, "Holy smokes, I couldn't believe it.  They all dressed like Woody.  I think it's crazy."  This was the first meeting between Coach Schembechler and the press since he recently underwent another round of heart trouble and received a pacemaker.

The band were reportedly stunned.  "I was stunned to learn Bo Schembechler has a heart," quipped Bo Biafra.  Afterwards, his voice took a more serious tone, "What would we do without Bo Schembechler?  Who would we hate?  What would happen to us?  For good or ill our fates have become intertwined.  I think he got sick just to spite us."

THE STORY SPREADS: Uber sports site deadspin.com reports the controversy here. 

THE STORY GOES WORLDWIDE:  Amazingly, the Associated Press has picked up this story and spread it to news bureaus around the world!  This is running everywhere on the planet but you can look at it from the Cleveland Plain Dealer, the Wilmington News Journal or The Oregonian.

Dead Schembechlers will honor the greatest man in the history of the world onstage at The Hate Michigan Rally

To add to the already incredible buzz on this year's Hate Michigan Rally, the Dead Schembechlers have announced that this year's show will feature the first ever Woody Hayes Look-A-Like Contest.

"It's just a bit of a lark," said the group's Bo Biafra.  "Woody recently visited me in my dreams and I told him about it.  He said he would not officially sanction it but it did give him a good laugh when I mentioned it so I thought we'd go for it.  He's a great man and I cherish the visits he makes to me."

Contestants just need to be in attendance at The Hate Michigan Rally.  They will be judged on adhering to the Woody Hayes dress code and then on any actual physical resemblance.  Prizes include autographed band merchandise and Bo Biafra's shirt from the concert soaked in Wolverine blood.  Judging will be by the band and the audience.

In another incredible media coup the Dead Schembechlers snag a full page article in the December '06 issue of Penthouse

As the incredible 2006 Buckeyes season rolls on the Dead Schembechlers find themselves becoming more and more a part of the madness that is engulfing sports fans and the media around the globe as the group lands an incredible full page article in the December 2006 edition of Penthouse Magazine.  It is on newsstands now!

"I had to chuckle when I thought of the millions of men around the world who would crack open the magazine to get a gander at the naked loveliness inside only to find a picture of my face covered in Wolverine blood," chortled lead singer Bo Biafra mightily.  In the article he is interviewed by writer Dan Nemet-Nejat about the band's background, the Michigan hatred that engulfs them and his prediction for the game this year.  When asked about this year's Michigan team Biafra said, "I think we could send down some Buckeye cocktail waitresses from High Street to whip the living piss out of those boys."

However, not all of the band members were pleased with the attention.  "I thought with a name like 'Penthouse' it was some kind of architectural magazine," steamed band drummer Bo Scabies.  "I damn near crapped a racing stripe onto my underwear when I saw there were naked harlots traipsing unashamed on the pages.  Woody would never have approved."

Why not celebrate the Penthouse press piece with tickets for The Hate Michigan Rally?  Go to them directly on Ticketmaster.com.

FLASH!  The band has just been written up in The Daily Orange as the legend of Dead Schembechlers and the madness of The Hate Michigan Rally spreads to Syracuse, NY.  Read it here.  Sean Sheehan's 614 blog gets into the action here.

FLASH!  It is confirmed that the group's latest single "We Don't Give A Damn for the Whole State of Michigan" will be played on the nationally syndicated radio show hardDrive with Lou Brutus.  The program is heard on 114 radio stations across North America!  The song will be played the weekend of November 11/12.  Check local stations for times.  Thanks again to Lou Brutus for his support.

As we had no pictures of Detroit Free Press writer Steve Schrader we substituted these images of disgruntled pussies

When The International Wolverine Conspiracy came to the realization that they could not stop the massive success of the band's "Bomb Ann Arbor Now" video they knew they had to come up with another plan.  We now see the desperation they are feeling against the rising tide of Buckeyes power led by the Dead Schembechlers with their insane plot to discredit the group.

Web crawling, pencil neck geeks under orders from the Liberal Wolverine Media have supposedly discovered subliminal messages at the beginning and end of the video.  Among the messages is a supposed threat against Detroit Free Press sportswriter Steve Schrader.  The band vehemently denied this accusation in the following prepared statement...

 The group is also researching the possibility that their video on YouTube and MySpace was hacked, leading to something be added.  More on this as updates warrant.  To watch the video and judge for yourself just double click the image below...

DOUBLE CLICK THE ABOVE IMAGE TO WATCH THE "BOMB ANN ARBOR NOW" VIDEO

Using actual footage of atomic and nuclear tests allowed the band to create the greatest video in the history of mankind

Bomb Ann Arbor Now, the first ever video by the legendary Dead Schembechlers, is a neo-noir nuclear nightmare of ultra violence and radioactive doom.  It is the greatest rock video in history.

Just click the image above or hit these links to be taken directly to the video at YouTube.com or MySpace.com.

Using images of atomic weapons tests from the 1940s and 1950s along with clips from government sanctioned "Duck and Cover" movies, the film graphically illustrates the band's long held desire to launch a thermonuclear first strike against Ann Arbor, Michigan the nerve center of The International Wolverine Conspiracy.

Combining the two trillion dollars spent on U.S. nuclear testing during that era with the forty three dollars in production costs out of pocket by the band easily makes "Bomb Ann Arbor Now" the most expensive film in history. It was directed by Dead Schembechler lead singer Bo Biafra.

He was driven to create the video after former Ohio State football coach, the late Woody Hayes, visited Biafra in his dreams and stated his desire for the band to make a military epic.  “Woody was always a history teacher at heart so his wish for us to make this video was no surprise,” said Biafra.  “Much of the footage used was recently declassified and so would have been almost impossible to find.  Woody came back and spoke to me over the course of several nights and told me where to find it.”

Sit back and watch as the specter of Armageddon lights the skies of Ann Arbor, driving the Michigan Wolverine fans into the slavering jaws of a nuclear winter from which they will never emerge.

It's time...Bomb Ann Arbor Now.

VIDEO EXPLODES ACROSS THE MEDIA:  The video garnered over 5000 views on its first day alone.  It also caused a major stir at mega sports site deadspin.com.

Meanwhile, ESPN.com's Pat Forde is (again) taking shots at the band.  Read his lying, Wolverine loving swill here.

The Tampa Bay Times talks up the video here.  The Columbus Dispatch praises the video here.  The Ann Arbor Times viciously attacks the video here.

"BOMB ANN ARBOR NOW" GETS YOUTUBE.COM AWARD & SMOKES U2/GREENDAY:  The band received a YouTube Honor Award for being one of the top viewed videos on the platform for the week!  The Dead Schembechlers beat out the Green Day/U2 duet but finished just behind Clay Aiken.  The band was also on top of Paris Hilton but, then again, what band hasn't been?  Dunno how often they change this stuff but you can see it here for now.

Send the video links to everyone you know and help fight The Wolverine Menace…

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwGXMryTbwE

 http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1203370804

Better yet, embed the following code everywhere you can on the 'net…

<param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/UwGXMryTbwE"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/UwGXMryTbwE" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350">

This is it!  The biggest concert event on this planet or any other is on the way.  The Hate Michigan Rally 2006 has been announced for Friday November 17th at 8pm at The Newport Music Hall on High Street in Columbus.  Tickets will be only $8 in advance or $10 at the door the night of the show.  Best of all this will be an ALL AGES concert event! 

Tickets are on sale now at Ticketmaster, The Newport Music Hall box office and the usual locations.

CLICK HERE FOR TICKETS

TO GET DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS MUSIC ON iTUNES JUST CLICK ON HERE: Wolverine Destroyer

"This could be the greatest moment in the history of the Dead Schembechlers," said band guitarist Bo Thunders.  "When we first started playing the Hate Michigan Rally sixteen years ago we often held the show on the steps of police stations so we could be arrested for disturbing the peace before we could be murdered by Wolverine fans.  The fact that we are now going to headline the legendary Newport Music Hall is unbelievable."  The band's vocalist Bo Biafra had this to say, "Our playing The Newport is a fantastic victory for the forces of good whom each day must battle for survival against the Wolverine Menace.  That the show comes ten years after we fought the High Street Riots against the National Guard in front of this very venue is sweet justice indeed."

Asked about special preparations for the show the band said they've done nothing yet.  "We're still assimilating all of the information of late," said drummer Bo Scabies.  "The only thing I'm sure of is that we've insisted in our contract rider with The Newport that no blue or yellow M&M's be allowed in our dressing room.  Only red ones."

Sharing the stage will be beloved indie rock stars Watershed.  "It's such an honor to be teamed up with the Schembechlers again," commented Watershed guitarist Colin Gawel.  "I just hope they don't hit on my wife again this year."  Dead Schembechlers are still mulling what group will be given the opening slot of the show that night playing before them and Watershed.  "We would love to give another local band their big break on The Newport stage," said Bo Scabies.  "We'll put the word out thru the grapevine and try to pick someone who rocks and who can bring out some more of the kids.  It will also help if they have hot girlfriends we can do in our dressing rooms while their boyfriends are onstage."

To help celebrate the news of the show the band has made a new song available on their MySpace page.  Entitled "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke" it celebrates the comic mishaps of the Bucks favorite tackling dummy.  Check it out here.

Bo Biafra has been quoted in a Columbus Dispatch article on the kickoff of the Bucks season and his photo makes up the entire front page of the paper!!!  You can read the article here.  More on the article below.  They will also have a feature article about them in the December issue of Penthouse magazine on newsstands Oct. 31st.

PRESS MEMBERS PLEASE NOTE: with the vast amount of requests we're receiving we've made an electronic press kit available for download here.  You can also go to the CONTACT area of this site.

Crooked referee clowns (L) could not stop the Bucks from leaving the Longhorns for dead (C) and eating their flesh as tasty steaks (R)

The entire nation saw a referee crew clearly in the pockets of The International Wolverine Conspiracy but it was not enough to hand the game to the Longhorns as the Bucks whipped their rawhide covered asses by a score of 24-7.

The Bucks were called for non-penalties, phantom penalties and penalties that were so clearly fictional that angry OSU fans scanned the luxury boxes in Texas Memorial Stadium for Steven King himself.  How could these refs, who knew they were in the national spotlight, do their best to steal the game for the desert dust covered filth of a Texas team?  The only answer lies with the long tentacles of The International Wolverine Conspiracy who were doing all they could to stop the Bucks.

"Dear God in Heaven," one Bucks fan was heard to call out, "Have you abandoned us to our enemies?"  The answer in the end was no as all phases of Bucks team play was able to over come the Texas team...and the refs.

"We were clearly helped by The Hate Michigan Rally tickets going on sale the same day as the Texas game," said one Bucks star.  "We could not let all of those kids or the band down."

To celebrate the Bucks win in Texas, Bo Biafra of Dead Schembechlers wrote the following bit of doggerel...

THEIR FANS ALL CRIED CAUSE THE LONGHORNS DIED
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
THE REFS WERE SKEWED SO THE BUCKS FANS BOOED
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
TROY HAD A GRIN WHEN HE THREW TO GINN
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
THEN TRESSEL SAID, “GO, TO ANTONIO!”
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS

THE SECOND HALF, IT WAS JUST A LAUGH
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
THE TEXAS DEFENSE BURNED LIKE INCENSE
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
YES NUMBER TWO LOOKED LIKE NUMBER TWO
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
IF YOU WANNA BE BEST, GET A SWEATER VEST
WEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS
 

Bo Biafra lashed out at the ignorant, batshit sucking, buck toothed fuckfaces (pictured above) in Texas

Recently, Bo Biafra of the Dead Schembechlers received an email from a reporter about doing a story on the band in the Austin Statesman, the biggest newspaper in the Texas capital.

The following was Bo's response to that reporter...

Greetings. I suppose you're interested in doing some kind of hack job on us. It's the kind of thing I expect from members of the Liberal Wolverine Media. The way their ilk twists words and information is pure demagoguery. Not a member you say? Your puppet strings cannot be traced back to the fiendish bastards in Ann Arbor? The sad fact is that most media types are unwitting dupes of The International Wolverine Conspiracy to enslave mankind. They don't even know it though, the damnable fools.

Michigan may be the rectal force of the universe trying to suck everything into its nothingness but Texas ain't anything to brag about either. When the biggest tourist attraction the capital has is the amount of bat guano you get to scrape off the bottom of your Lash LaRue footwear you may have a problem. Is there anything to do there on a Saturday night other than scrape the resin off of Willie Nelson's beard and toss it into a bong leftover from the night Frank Zappa recorded "Bongo Fury" at the Armadillo World Headquarters? I didn't think so.

If you haven't seen the story on our web site you might not know that it was the Michigan Militia and not the Mexican Army who wiped out the would be land grabbers at the Alamo. Ozzy Osbourne pissed on their graves. Is that funny? Where were your precious Texas Rangers that night? Maybe they were busting some drum playing hippies coming out of a gig at SXSW. Wow, what tough crime fighters you have in Austin.

"Texas is the yardstick against which all that is unpleasant is measured." Ralph Steadman wrote that. I, for one, will not call him a liar.

If you wanna talk then email back to me with a number and a time. I'll tell you all about how we're going to whip your asses.

Oh, one last thing. The barbecue joints in Texas suck. Even those cousin poking hillbillies in the Carolinas do better barbecue than you hicks.

Yours in Wolverine Hatred,

Bo Biafra
Dead Schembechlers

Bo Biafra of Dead Schembechlers scores the front page of The Columbus Dispatch on Bucks Opening Day!!!

Opening Day 2006 for the Buckeyes.  Those of Northern Illinois awaken to a sense of dread, a feeling of doom at the impending slaughter.  As sleepy Ohioans began the day, butterflies rising in the pits of their stomachs, many went out to the front door to get their copy of The Columbus Dispatch.  Who did they find snarling at them from the front page of the paper?  None other than Dead Schembechlers lead singer Bo Biafra!!!

In another incredible strike against The Liberal Wolverine Media who fight to keep the band's message from the people, The Columbus Dispatch has stepped up to help spread the band's words of hope to oppressed Ohioans around the globe.  Writers Mark Ellis and David Filey wrote the article entitled "Feel the Temperature Rising" on the massive emotional wave felt by the Buckeyes Faithful.  Hemingway-like in their approach, these young men deserve the Pulitzer Prize for their efforts. 

When reached for comment this morning, Bo Biafra was pleased but not surprised.  "Last night I was visited in my dreams by Coach Woody Hayes and he told me of the impending front page news," said Biafra as he casually stubbed out a cigarette in the face of a Texas fan walking by him on High Street, "He is The Blessed One and reveals all to me.  Woody be praised."

Seeing Bo's face larger than life spurred the Bucks to action in their season opener with a 35-12 drubbing of Northern Illinois.  Dead Schembechler namesake Ted Ginn picked up two TDs and 123 yards receiving.  In other Big 10 news Michigan was able to squeak by Vanderbilt but only after slipping them roofies at halftime.  Michigan QB Chad Henne, who first heard the new Dead Schembechlers song "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke" yesterday, wept thru much of the game.  "Why must that band pick on me so much," the spineless fuck was heard to wail.   

You can read the article here.  We also encourage you to sign up for the electronic edition of The Columbus Dispatch to get all the pictures and stuff.  You can do that at their main site.

BO THUNDERS IN THE SEATTLE TIMES: In other recent press news for the band that shows their growing power against the Liberal Wolverine Media, guitarist Bo Thunders was quoted in The Seattle Times about the upcoming Rally.  You can read it here.

BO THUNDERS IN THE ST. LOUIS DISPATCH: You can read that online here.

DETROIT FREE PRESS BLASTS BUCKS AND THE BAND: Read the lying swill from the Crown Jewel of the Liberal Wolverine Media here...if you dare.

DETROIT FREE PRESS (again!): scUm loving writer prints letter from Bo Biafra.  Go here.

THE SAN ANTONIO EXPRESS NEWS: See it here.

AUSTIN NEWSPAPER ASSAULTS OSU FANS AND DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS: Read their swillish lies here.

CINCINNATI ENQUIRER QUOTES FROM "TEDD GINN DID EVERYTHIN'":  Read it here.

ESPN.COM COLUMNIST LASHES OUT AT DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS: Has the greatest sports reporting network in the history of mankind fallen under the spell of The Liberal Wolverine Media?  Decide for yourself here.  And again here.

UBER SPORTS SITE DEADSPIN.COM LAUDS SCHEMBECHLERS: A link to three different stories here.  Oh, one more here!

TAMPA BAY TIMES SUCCUMBS TO THE SIREN SONG OF HATE: here.

If you see any other Dead Schembechlers press please let us know at deadschembechler@aol.com.

Iowa Boy and Grammy winner Corey Taylor shows off his good taste with a Dead Schembechlers shirt

Unbelievable but true!  The above picture of Des Moines, Iowa badasses Stone Sour was found on the official Roadrunner Records site and in Kerrang magazine.  Lead singer Corey Taylor, a Grammy Award winner with his other band Slipknot, can be seen wearing a Dead Schembechlers' "Rocket to Ann Arbor" shirt!!!  The shot was taken earlier this year while the band recorded their latest album "Come What (ever) May" with producer Nick Raskulinecz at Studio 606 in Northridge, CA.

Dead Schembechlers members were proud to hear the news.  "Corey Taylor is known to us as a true fighter against injustice and ignorance so it makes sense that he would relate to us," said DS lead singer Bo Biafra.  "He is an inspiration to us all having grown up in the savage, backwoods frontier known as Iowa.  I think most of it is still marked as 'Injun Country' on maps.  I don't listen to music that is not about killing Michigan Wolverines but if I did, I would listen to the new Stone Sour album."

The band later named Mr. Taylor "Best Taylored Rock Star of 2006."  Mr. Taylor was unavailable for comment.

Maurice Clarett in happier days (L), the note found by police with the loaded assault weapons (C), a would be killer contained (R)

In one of the most shocking episodes in the longtime battle between the Dead Schembechlers and their Michigan foes, former Buckeye star Maurice Clarett has been foiled in his attempt to assassinate the band members.  It is believed by some that he was acting on orders from militants in Michigan following a death sentence being placed by them on lead singer Bo Biafra.  Clarett was apprehended by Columbus Police early in the morning of August 9th, apparently on his way to gun the group down following a band meeting at a High Street watering hole.  He was arrested after a car chase and battle with police while wearing a bullet proof vest.  His vehicle was loaded with weapons including an AK-47 assault rifle.  A note implicating him in the plot to attack the band was also found.  Luckily, no law officers or band members were injured.  The four group members have been temporarily separated and sent to undisclosed "safe houses" after refusing to have themselves placed in the care of Federal agents.  An unofficial spokesperson for the band explained this by saying, "The members of Dead Schembechlers believe that the conspiratorial plot against them reaches to the highest levels of our government.  Their trust level with our government is zero."

The arrest came barely eight hours after Bo Biafra told a writer from Penthouse Magazine that the International Wolverine Conspiracy had plans to "silence the band...forever!"  While the writer, Dan Nemet-Nejat, seemed amused by the claim it is now seen to have been eerily prescient.  The feature will be seen in the Penthouse issue due on newsstands October 31st.

"It has long been our claim that the ruling juanta in Michigan sees us as a threat and longs to eliminate us," said Bo Biafra in a statement, "The world now realizes this is a reality and not a wild eye accusation."  When asked by a reporter how this will effect the band's upcoming release schedule and plans for November 17th's Hate Michigan Rally he said, "This will have no effect at all.  The rocket attacks on Toledo, the 'OSUish' slurs against Buckeye fans by Mel Gibson and the physical attack aimed at us are all part of an organized effort to break the will of the Buckeye Nation before the upcoming Big 10 season.  We as a people will not be so easily led to the slaughter.  The attempted assault against us only spurs us to double our efforts for the upcoming season.  We can only thank Woody in heaven and the local constabulary for protecting us in our time of need." 

A fatwah, or death sentence, was recently passed against Biafra by a radical Michigan cleric.  Whether Clarett was willingly acting as an agent of the cleric is unknown.  There is speculation that he may have been controlled using mind altering drugs or hypnosis.  One expert said, "This may be a Big 10 version of 'The Manchurian Candidate' starring Maurice Clarett as the dupe."  

A stroke of good luck has jerked the band into a sticky situation that can't be beat...a coming feature in Penthouse!

The Hate Michigan Rally is still months away but the Dead Schembechlers are already garnering an immense amount of attention from the Liberal Wolverine Media. 

Lead singer Bo Biafra was recently interviewed for an upcoming feature on the band in Penthouse magazine.  As he is notoriously mistrustful of the media it took him awhile to open up to writer Dan Nemet-Nejat but it is believed that numerous subjects were eventually discussed.  First, that Biafra believes that the lives of he and all of the band members are in grave danger.  He stated that the International Wolverine Conspiracy sees the group as too great of a threat to be allowed to live and that plans are afoot to have them silenced...forever!  He believes that the unfolding of an assassination plot is imminent and that it may come from someone within "the organization" who is, or was, a trusted confidant.  Secondly, Biafra publicly has offered a bounty of one thousand dollars on the head of Michigan quarterback Chad Henne.  When the reporter, thinking Bo was joking, began to chuckle he was rudely cut off.  "This is not a fucking joke," Biafra reportedly snapped, "I will live to see the vultures pick his eye sockets clean."  The Penthouse article on the band will be in the December issue which will be on newsstands on Halloween Day.

Dead Schembechlers also picked up some MIchigan press by way of a "Stevie Award" from the Detroit Free Press on July 30th.  While the band could give a fuck what some dipshit writer from a scUM paper thinks, we think it is worth mentioning here.  You can check out a link to the story online by clicking here.

Whack job movie icon Mel Gibson (L), trying to commune with the skull of late Wolverine coach Fritz Crisler (C), Crisler above ground (R)

A Malibu, CA patrolman got more than he bargained for when he pulled over Academy Award winning actor/director Mel Gibson recently.  The allegedly intoxicated star began babbling insane conspiracy theories linking the Ohio State Buckeyes to mayhem throughout the world.  "Bucking fucks," slurred the box office icon, "All the problems in the world are caused by the OSUish."  He then asked the arresting officer if he was "an O-S-U."  Gibson later told officers that he often spoke to the skull of long dead Wolverine coach Fritz Crisler and that it "told him things."  Police pulled Gibson over when they saw his car swerving down a Malibu roadway.  When they asked Gibson about the bottle of tequila, the case of beer and the packets of raw amyl nitrate in the front seat he replied that he was preparing an onscreen portrayal of the late writer Hunter S. Thompson.  The officers immediately became suspicious as they knew that Johnny Depp had played the role of Thompson on film recently.  Following the arrest, Gibson threatened officers saying, "I will skull fuck you with Fritz's fucking skull."  After posting bail, Gibson retreated to his Malibu church St. Loony By the Creek.

Riot police across Michigan fought to stop looting at Apple Computer stores after iTunes announced a deal with the band.

Unbelievable but true, underground punk sensations The Dead Schembechlers are now available on seminal music service iTunes.

Music industry insiders were shocked at the band's coup over the forces of The International Wolverine Conspiracy and their seeming death grip on the music distribution business.  Unconfirmed reports out of Michigan state that angry scUM fans have burned and looted several Apple Computer stores.  An Apple spokesperson stated the following as she was patting out her burning blouse, "We will not be influenced by these pathetic Michigan rabble.  It is their choice to NOT buy Dead Schembechlers music on our system.  I ask them to please respect our right to sell it.  I would also like them to turn my car right side up again."

The band members themselves were elated but otherwise somewhat confused.  Lead singer Bo Biafra, currently at his private retreat in the international vacation hotspot of Lima OH said, "We're a punk rock band so we don't care fuck all about computers but if it makes it easier for the kids at OSU to get our shit than it can't be all bad.  They should still all go vinyl, however."  Lead guitarist Bo Thunders may have cleared up some of the mystery of how they got on iTunes when he said, "I flew to Seattle, found Steve Jobs and put a fucking Luger against his head.  The feel of the fine German steel against his temple helped convince him to make the right decision for all involved."

At the present time the band's "Wolverine Destroyer" album is available on iTunes.  However, plans are afoot to bring the group's four new songs for this year "Buckeye Surfer Girl," "We Don't Give A Damn for the Whole State of Michigan," "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke" and "The Ann Arbor Chainsaw Massacre Christmas Song" to the service during the Big 10 season this fall.

To check out Dead Schembechlers on iTunes just click here Wolverine Destroyer.

It is believed that now other music services will soon be following iTunes lead and offering music from Dead Schembechlers.  The other services that will carry their stuff include Audio Lunchbox, Avato, Choice Records, Daikai, Bitmonk, Chondo, Destra, Wrap Factory, Play Indies, eMusic, MOD Systems, Pay Play, Rhapsody, Music is Here, MPGreek, Sony Connect, MP3 Extension, MusicNet, Inprodicon, Great Indie Music, Liquid Digital Media, Loudeye, Passalong, Digital Kiosk, Interia, Flip Technologies and MP3 Tunes.

These are the covers of the four new singles from Dead Schembechlers for 2006

2006 is shaping up as another banner year for the Dead Schembechlers.  With the 4th of July release of the "Buckeye Surfer Girl" single many snickered their new music output had been noisily nullified but those nattering nabobs of negativity have naught to show for their smack talk as it is now confirmed the band will release a total of four new singles for the year. 

"We Don't Give A Damn for the Whole State of Michigan" will be released early in the Big 10 season with "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke" and "The Ann Arbor Chainsaw Massacre" to be released closer to the Hate Michigan Rally in November.  It is understood that the band's album from last year "Wolverine Destroyer" will soon be available on Apple's iTunes with the four new tunes making it to the service this Fall during the season. 

Michigan's HezBo militia fire across the border into Ohio (L), rockets strike near Toledo (C), devastation the following morning (R)

Bloodthirsty members of Michigan's ultra-radical HezBo Militia have once again enflamed tensions along the Ohio/Michigan border with a series of rocket attacks.  Using Chinese and Iranian made weaponry, these subhuman bastards have fired indiscriminately into populated areas of Northwestern Ohio.  United Nations officials have condemned the attacks with one UN member from Botswana saying, "This is nothing more than a desperate attempt by Wolverine fans to strike fear into the heart of peace loving Buck supporters to unnerve them as the teams prepare for the 2006 Big Ten season."  

"We will not be cowed by these pathetic attempts to disrupt preparations for the upcoming season," said band lead singer Bo Biafra.  "This will do nothing more than steel our resolve to face down the infidels to the North and wipe them from the face of the Earth!  I vow to the Buck fans in the border towns that this will only spur us to the greatest Hate Michigan Rally in history.  I hereby swear to help lead a cleansing of the lands defiled by their foul, unclean presence.  We will take these areas for our own and set up a glorious Buckeye homeland that will last a thousand years!  I will grind their bones to make my bread and won't even leave enough of their flesh for a bowl of Soylent Green."

The religious leaders of the HezBo forces have responded by passing a fatwah, or death sentence, against Bo Biafra.  "The leader of the Ohio rabble will die the death of the unholy filth," said one radical Michigan cleric.  "With the graces of our great god the Lord of the Maize behind us, we will sweep their forces from the field in Columbus this November and crush them into the dust of Big 10 history.  The Michigan faithful will then be carried into Heaven and each be rewarded with thirty virgin cheerleaders."

Dead Schembechler fans will remember that band members took part in fierce fighting with members of the Michigan National Guard last year in the tiny border town of Sylvania, Ohio.  More on that story further down this page.

The Dead Schembechler fans voted and made this the cover of the new single "Buckeye Surfer Girl"

Flaming Wolverine Death Records is proud to announce the newest single by the legendary Dead Schembechlers "Buckeye Surfer Girl."  Summertime across the Midwest will now never be the same.

The label had planned to distribute 1000 copies of this old school, vinyl 45rpm record but disaster struck!  Elements believed to be in alliance with The International Wolverine Conspiracy hijacked the shipment as it left the plant.  Instead of appearing in record shops around Ohio the single is now only available at music stores in Belarus and the Ukraine!

The band made the song available for free over the 4th of July weekend.  If you missed out than watch for it coming to iTunes!

The song itself is a celebration of the Ohio surfing scene!  The riptides of the Miami River, the sweet curls of the Olentangy River and the dreaded tsunamis of Lake Erie all make an appearance in the song that celebrates those brainy, beautiful Buckeye beach babes and the surfer boys who love them!  The tune was recorded at Pooch*tone Studios under the watchful ear of frequent group collaborator Poochie Schembechler in Columbus, OH.  He is the only known person to work with the band on more than one occasion as they are notoriously picky and have been known to knife producers in the back with rusty switchblades for not working fast enough to get them to the bar before closing time.

The song was debuted on The CD 101 Morning Show with Brian Phillips and Joe Weasel.  Brian is a longtime band insider and known to many as "The Fifth Schembechler."  Bo Biafra of the band joined Brian by phone shortly before 8am on the Friday leading into the holiday weekend.  They spoke at length about the song, announced the winning cover art chosen by fans and spun the tune for the first time.  They also played another brand new song, a punk version of "We Don't Give A Damn for the Whole State of Michigan" which will be released in the Fall.  While Bo discussed the year's upcoming Hate Michigan Rally he gave no solid details other than it being on Friday November 17th on High Street.

The other big news to come out of the interview was the band will release their first ever video to coincide with the kickoff of the Bucks upcoming season.  It's for their opus tune "Bomb Ann Arbor Now."  It features footage from actual atomic bomb tests from secret government film archives.

2006, ironically the 10th anniversary of the band's battle against the National Guard which came to be known as The High Street Riots, promises to be the busiest and most productive in the groups long history!

Is this the cover art for the band's first ever Summer song surf spectacular?  Rocket to Ann Arbor now sold out!  Hate already is rising across Ohio!

The late Spring and early Summer are usually quiet times for the Dead Schembechlers.  However, the year of 2006 is destined not be like other year's for The Best Damn Punk Band in the Land!  It is not lost on the group members that this year marks the 10th anniversary of the blood drenched High Steet Riots of '96 where the band battled the National Guard in the streets of Columbus.  While details are hazy and lips are sealed some word is beginning to leak out of the group's camp  about upcoming plans for this year. 

Many longtime fans are aware that some of the DS band members are big fans of the surf/punk genre.  The avid collector's among them may even have tracked down the unreleased demo of the band's notoriously violent summer song "Sands of Iwo Lima."  It is now beginning to appear that the band has plans for its first ever official summer release "Buckeye Surfer Girl."  In a recent interview with a leading sports magazine band lyricist Bo Biafra said, "For many years the great surfing here in Ohio has been a well kept secret.  I have just written lyrics that celebrate the average OSU student's love of surfing here in the Midwest.  The song mentions many of the great Ohio surf spots like Cedar Point and the Olentangy River.  It is also rather sentimental and not nearly as violent as many of my songs.  Very few Wolverines die it.  Probably less than one or two dozen."  When the interviewer casually mentioned that the state of Ohio did not border the ocean and therefore could not be surfed, Biafra buried a half drank bottle of Pabst into the man's right nostril.  Before the fracas, Biafra also mentioned the B-side of the single would be, "The most disgusting song ever written.  Lyrics so foul that Satan himself will be too much of a pussy to sing along to it."  The rumor mill in the band's camp says the single may be out in time for the 4th of July weekend but they are having difficulty recording as band guitarist Bo Thunders has locked himself in a Motel 6 in Akron.  He refuses to speak to anyone, despondent over the news of Keith Jackson's retirement.

 Other news from the group includes the bulletin that their first ever CD, "Rocket to Ann Arbor" is now completely sold out.  You can now go overpay for it on eBay if you want.  We warned you. 

Finally, plans for the 2006 Hate Michigan Rally are beginning to leak.  This years Hate Michigan Rally will be held Friday November 17th at a venue to be determined.  "We wanna, wanna, wanna make it a full tour this year," said band bass player Bo Vicious.  "We are getting offers in from Cleveland, Akron and a number of the border towns.  It will be a matter of timing and whether local law enforcement will even let us set up."  Other artists mentioned as possibly appearing on the bill this year as opening acts include Dash Rip Rock, The Yuppie Pricks, Watershed and the Rolling Stones.  Dropkick Woodys will not appear due to their deaths at last year's Rally.

Drunken, shiftless, worthless, passed out Irish bastards like these were no match against a mighty Ohio State squad!

In the worst drubbing received by the Irish since the Potato Famine, Notre Dame was beaten like simpering drunks at a St. Patrick Day's party by the Ohio State Buckeyes.  "We prayed to God in Heaven and he answered us by shitting down our throats," one Notre Dame player was heard to blaspheme after the the shellacking.  "My belief in The Almighty is destroyed.  May as well become a fucking Satanist," he added.  Buck star and Dead Schembechler song namesake Tedd Ginn turned in one of the most impressive bowl games in collegiate history by running thru, over, around and below the hapless Irish, leaving them to choke on the dust of his cleats.  The referees, so desperate to stop Ginn and keep the national TV audience watching that they took to calling him for penalties on plays he wasn't even on the field for, chortled loudly as they shot comical looks at the weeping Irish players.  "Ha, ha, ha," one was heard to call to their sideline, "you oughta call yourselves The Notre Damned!"  The victory was sealed when Buck QB Troy Smith was able to elude sack attempt by St. Patrick himself and throw for the winning score.  Prior to the game a melee broke out when Regis Philbin, talking smack about the Buckeyes, was pistol whipped by the Dead Schembechler's Bo Biafra.  The enraged singer pulled out a vintage World War 2 Luger pistol and used the butt of it to knock some sense into the bleating idiot box goat.  Brent Musburger tried to intervene but was himself bitten on the haunch by Dead Schembechler bassist Bo Viscious.  Musburger was treated for his wounds and was able to call the game although his noted anti-Ohio slant was no where to be heard.  Philbin was later found barely alive at the bottom of a trash can.  Following the game the Dead Schembechlers serenaded the crowd with a cover of the John Lennon classic "The Luck of the Irish."  The lyrics "If you had the luck of the Irish you'd wish you were dead" reverberated thru the parking lot for hours afterwards.  Later, the group all had sex with beautiful Notre Dame girls who were now transferring to OSU.

MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF BREAKING NEWS FOR HATE MICHIGAN WEEK 2005:

VICTORY!  SWEET VICTORY!:  A crushing defense that left the crowd as deflated as a used condom on Paris Hilton's floor teamed up with an offense who treated the opposition like two dollar Ann Arbor whores led the Ohio State Buckeyes to a victory over the filthy bastards of the Wolverine Menace.

"We could not have done this without the music of Dead Schembechlers," said an unnamed Buck player following the game.  "The band managed to wire the Wolverines' locker room just before half time with hidden speakers that blasted 'Bomb Ann Arbor Now' and it totally destroyed their concentration.  We knew the band had done their jobs when all of the Wolverines returned to the field for the 3rd quarter with huge urine stains on their uniforms.  The stench of Wolverine pee choked the Michigan fans causing them to gag, vomit and be taken out of the game."

Wolverine coach Lloyd Carr was apoplectic with rage at the band for once again skunking his team saying, "Another season has ended with us being shamed by the Dead Schembechlers.  That band is a crushing stone upon my life and I stand before you with my pride castrated.  I am now a shameful eunuch.  An empty, hollow thing with no pride and no future.  Curse you Dead Schembechlers!"

The band members celebrated the victory by taking off from an aerodrome near Worthington, Ohio and flying north in vintage WW2 Stuka dive bombers to strafe the Ann Arbor crowd leaving the game.  The destruction was terrible to behold as the helpless Michiganites wailed, gnashed their teeth and helplessly shook their fists skywards.  Many of the men showed their yellow streak by abandoning their  families to the mayhem and running like cowardly dogs.  The band then flew to a Motel 6 in Akron for a private party with beautiful girls and lots and lots of cough syrup.

"Wolverine Destroyer" Available Now at Select Stores:  DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS fight back against the big record chains owned by the International Wolverine Conspiracy by making the new CD "Wolverine Destroyer" available at the following indie record stores in Columbus...

Ace in the Hole, Sour Records, Used Kids Records, Johnny Go's and Magnolia Thunderpussy

Woody Tells Band to Allow MySpace Friends:  While sleeping on the night of November 9th, 2005 Bo Biafra was visited in his dreams by Coach Woody Hayes!  Biafra was overcome with emotion stating, "The Blessed One has appeared to me to speak His word.  It is Woody's expressed desire that Dead Schembechlers raise their moratorium and allow 'friends' on their MySpace site."

As has been the case in the past, Biafra refused to give specifics about everything that Woody told him.  It is believed that it is in these dreams each year that Woody informs Bo of what the score of the upcoming OSU/Michigan game will be.  There is also belief that Woody reveals secrets of upcoming world events, information on secret plots of The International Wolverine Conspiracy and details on how the Wolverines plan to bring about the of the world's end.  

"The time is not yet ripe for all to be revealed," said Biafra in a press conference this morning (Nov. 10th), "but I can tell you that Woody wishes the Buckeye Nation to band together to defeat the evil of the Wolverines using our MySpace page as a rallying point for the faithful.  He would also like to recommend that you pick up the box set of HBO's 'Band of Brothers' which he has become quite a fan of."

Bo Biafra spoke at length about Woody's visitation and other subjects with CD-101's Brian Phillips.

To find the Dead Schembechlers MySpace site just click here.

"Bomb Ann Arbor Now" Airs Coast to Coast this Weekend: The new DS single "Bomb Ann Arbor Now" will be featured on over 115 radio stations this weekend on the syndicated hardDrive with Lou Brutus show.  This long running program airs in Columbus on The Big WAZU and will be heard in Detroit on the legendary WRIF!  Unfortunately, Lou Brutus will also be putting the Dropkick Woodys' "I Spit on Woody's Grave" on the program in an apparent nod to ruling scum of the Liberal Wolverine Media.

Dead Schembechlers Site Now Accepting Credit Cards: By popular demand we are now accepting credit cards!  Visa, Master Card, American Express and Discover are now all good to go with us!  Just hit the checkout button, follow the instructions and get yet schtuff!

Attention Media Organizations: Due to overwhelming demand (we got tired of sending these out individually!) you can now download high resolution pictures of the band and album cover along with the latest press release in the CONTACT area of this site or by clicking here.

L to R: Dropkick Woodys gather moments before being devoured by rodents, DS roar thru "Buckeye Bop," Vicious and Thunders strike a pose

A sellout crowd of over 500 were filled with an ungodly madness as Dead Schembechlers rocked Little Brothers on High Street in Columbus, OH to cap the 2005 Hate Michigan Rally.  The band performed songs from their entire career including many from their new album "Wolverine Destroyer" such as "Bomb Ann Arbor Now," Muck Fichigan," and "Tedd Ginn Did Everythin'." 

The band was delighted to have the set interrupted at midpoint by the Ohio State Buckeye Alumni band who roared thru versions of Buck classics like "Across the Field" and a cover the Dead Schembechlers "Hey Fuck Lloyd Carr."

Dash Rip Rock and Watershed also had killer sets with the disappointment of the night coming from Ann Arbor's Dropkick Woodys who's lip synched set met with a violent ending from the pro-Buck crowd.  The band was quickly hustled offstage and shoved into bamboo cages where they were poked with sharp sticks by the crowd before being fed to a group of hungry rats who picked their bones clean.

"The club actually sold out of beer," yelled an exhilarated Bo Biafra moments after the set came to and end.  Bo's shirt, covered in the blood of a Wolverine he chewed the head off on stage continued, "We guarantee a Buck win in Ann Arbor tomorrow!  Lloyd Carr will be spanked like an incompetent schoolgirl.  His panties will be wet by the final gun.  I will personally see to it that he licks the cleats of each and every Buckeye player.  Dead Schembechlers vow that he will pay for the sins of the Wolverine nation!"

The band would love to have your pictures from The Rally!  Email them by clicking here.

Unbelievable but true!  A group of scum sucking bastards from Ann Arbor are now confirmed to play the 2005 Hate Michigan Rally.  This group of no talent fuckwads goes by the name Dropkick Woodys.  Their claim to fame is a recent single called "I Spit On Woody's Grave" (cover is pictured above) which celebrates the desecration of...no, we can't even type a further description.  The b-side of the release is entitled "Buck the Fuckeyes" and is a blatant rip off the 2002 self titled single "Dead Schembechlers."

"These grotesque thugs obviously released this single to bait us," said Dead Schembechler singer/lyricist Bo Biafra.  "We fully realize that we may be walking into a trap set for us by the International Wolverine Conspiracy by inviting them and we thank our many fans who have written to warn us for their concern.  The fact that this band publicly challenged us to put them on the bill added to our suspicion but they cannot continue their heresy unchallenged.  They will feel the wrath of the Dead Schembechlers on the eve of the battle against the scUM.

Local media is outraged by the slight against Woody and the band.  Some bonfires and looting have been reported outside the Michigan Embassy on High Street.  Bo Biafra will appear this Friday morning with Brian Phillips on the CD-101 Morning Show to discuss the controversy.

We warn any Buck fans reading this to steer clear of the Dropkick Woodys online sites but if you must then you can find them at the following links.  You can see their official site here.  You can hear their accursed songs is their MySpace site which you can find by going to here.

The Buck loss to Texas induced a week long bout of vomiting throughout Ohio where even Man's Best Friend was not immune.

The Buckeyes loss to the steroid gorged behemoths of Texas was both figuratively and literally a gut wrenching experience for fans.  Shortly after the game a massive wave of vomiting engulfed much of Ohio according to health officials.  "I haven't seen vomiting like this since the Great Karen Carpenter Scare of 1979," said Health Minister Dan Green.  "Men, women, children and even family pets have been letting the bile fly across the state."  The members of Dead Schembechlers were not immune to the discomfort with Bo Thunders and Bo Scabies down with massive heaves.  Bo Biafra was just the opposite as he set out to a steakhouse where he claimed he would, "eat every morsel of edible flesh that comes out of Texas" to make up for the loss.  Bass player Bo Vicious simply has not been able to deal with the loss in any way and five days after the game was still to be found riveted in front of his TV set...screaming in horror.  While all of this has slowed down pre-production on the forthcoming new album it is believed the band will be back underway soon.

Rumors have flown the last several months regarding The Hate Michigan Rally 2005 but all will be revealed as the band makes a rare in-studio radio appearance on Monday, October 3rd with Brian "The 5th Schembecher" Phillips on the CD-101 Morning Show.  It is believed that the lineup for this year's rally will be the greatest in the history of this historic history making event.  The band has also promised to make public their plans for a new album this Fall and may also debut new music while on the air but this cannot be confirmed.  We will post an exact time for the appearance as soon as we have it.

Columbus fans may remember that it was CD-101 who sponsored the post game, outdoor festival that eventually turned into the infamous "High Street Riots of '96."  It was there that an up and coming CD-101 DJ, Matt "Slippery Dick" Fontaine, was tragically mauled by a rabid grizzly bear the band had set upon him after mistaking him for a Wolverine fan.  Now, nine years later, it is hoped that "Slippery Dick" will soon begin eating food not sucked thru a straw.  At the bequest of their lawyers, the group sends their heartfelt condolences to "Slippery Dick," his family and their lawyers.  To learn more about Brian Phillips and the CD-101 Morning Show just click here.

The news of the upcoming interview and confirmation of the band's November appearance were enough to spur the Bucks on to their first win of the season over a Miami (Ohio) squad that sacrificed their Red Hawk mascot at halftime in an unsuccessful attempt to appease the Football Gods.  A bid for the first shutout by Ohio State in non-conference play since a 49-0 shutout vs. Toledo in 1998 came up less than three minutes short when Miami tailback Jimmy Calhoun scampered by an unnamed OSU player who had stopped mid-play to call Tickemaster on his cell phone to see if Dead Schembechler tickets were available yet.

Fans who wish to become Myspace.com "friends" of the band can kindly fuck off.

While well meaning friends thought they were doing Dead Schembechlers a favor by signing them up for an area on MySpace, the band was enraged by their actions.  "You foolish do-gooders," Bo Scabies was heard to shout, "You have only made it easier for the International Wolverine Conspiracy to find out our real identities so they can track us down like rabid animals!"  Bo Vicious was even more direct as he tried to strangle someone he believed responsible with an E string.  Thus far, the band is refusing to allow anyone on the site to sign up as their friends.  Nonetheless, you can check out the area here.

(Editor's Note: the band later allowed MySpace members to sign them up after receiving a dream message from the late Woody Hayes)

Many Wisconsin boosters have trained their pet badgers (like the hungry fellow above) to feast upon the flesh of Michigan fans.

While Columbus has always been the hotbed of the Dead Schembechlers fan base other Big 10 towns are now seeing their citizens flocking to the clarion call of the band's cry to rally against the Wolverine Menace.  Legendary Wisconsin radio station 94.1 WJJO in Madison has started spinning Dead Schembechler songs in heavy rotation in preparation for the Wisconsin Badgers 2005 season kick off versus the scUM.  "I Hate Michigan," "I Wipe My Ass with Wolverine Fur" and "Hey, Fuck Lloyd Carr" are now being sung by joyous young and old alike thru merry dairylands of Wisconsin.  Many thanks to the stations Johnny & Greg along with Randy Hawke for spreading Schembechlermania to Badger Country!  The band is also heartened by reports of Wisconsin Boosters teaching their pet badgers to feed upon the human flesh of scUM fans.  Steve Baise, a Wisconsin fan from Beloit told us, "We train them by only feeding them food that has been dyed with maize and blue food coloring.  After several weeks they come to relate these colors directly to what is edible for them.  We turned a dozen of them loose at a Wolverine Fan outing this summer near Ann Arbor.  When the  badgers saw the acres of Michigan colors their little eyes bugged out.  These critters really have a knack for tearing the meat off the living bone of these Michigan rabble.  They will even pass up their usual favorites like stoat or marmots for a morsel of tasty Michigan flesh!"

To find out more about what badgers eat and what they will not eat just click here.

The brave women of Sylvania (L), Biafra & Vicious stalk the enemy in the winter snow (C), Michigan troops retreat from the ruins of Burnham School (R)

While fans argued about if or when there would be a new Dead Schembechlers album this year a new release has been far from the minds of the group.  It has been revealed that for much of 2005 the members of the band have been fighting with Ohio partisans in border skirmishes against the Michigan National Guard in and around the town of Sylvania, Ohio.  The battles have been part of long running hostilities between the two states in regard to the town.  The Michiganites have been trying to annex the land since 1832 wishing to rename it Whiteford after General David White while the God fearing people of Sylvania have valiantly protected home and hearth with their very lives.  After months of on and off sniping that began in the winter snows, the scum of the north were recently defeated in furious classroom to classroom fighting that left Sylvania's historic Burnham School in ruins.  During a fierce firefight, Bo Scabies was wounded but managed to evade capture when an enraged Bo Vicious jumped onto an entire squad of Michigan troops and gnawed them to death with his teeth.  The members of Dead Schembechlers send out their thoughts and prayers to the brave citizens of Sylvania.  They also promise to fearlessly ride again to the aid of the town should the heartless scum of Michigan again threaten to sweep down against the peaceable village.

To learn more about the beautiful hamlet of Sylvania, Ohio and its plucky citizenry just click here.

OSU kicking star Mike Nugent who guest kicked the winning points for Texas

 What could be more crushing to Neanderthal skulled Wolverine fans than a last second Rose Bowl loss? Having the final points scored by Buckeye star Mike Nugent! You read it right, Ace! Suiting up for the final play of the game, Buckeye kicking sensation Mike Nugent ended his college career as a last second sub for Texas' Dusty Magnum and nailed a 37 yarder to send the Wolverines to a gut wrenching loss. "I soiled myself when I realized it was Nugent," explained scUM coach Lloyd Carr. "A Rose Bowl victory was within our grasp and we pissed it away by being once again unable to contain Nugent's mighty toe. My heart is filled with shame and self loathing at losing to the Bucks in a game where we were not even playing them. I am their bitch. There I said it! I am The Buck Bitch! Now you can all go to Hell!"

 Nugent would later be immortalized by the Dead Schembechlers in their biblical leaning epic entitled “God Gave Nugent’s Toe to You.”  This tune went on to be covered by many area Christian Wolverine Hatecore bands.

The Alamo: site of a bloody massacre of brave Texans by cowardly Michigan Militia disguised as Mexican troops

Oklahoma...where the ass whoopings come whistling thru the pines! It was no contest in the 2004 Alamo Bowl as a vicious Buck defense, coupled with an offensive assault that caused Oklahoma State's players to wet their pantaloons, resulted in a 33-7 OSU victory. "We were totally outclassed," moaned one OK State player who was too bloody to be recognized, "God himself was with the Bucks today and we were shamed like dogs who have went on the rug." Many of the Oklahoma fans during the drubbing were heard to call out to the Buck sideline saying, "We're not the Wolverines so for God's sake show us mercy!"

The victory was particularly sweet for the members of Dead Schembechlers. Prior to the game the band laid a  wreath in honor of the brave Americans killed in the siege of the Alamo while fighting against Michigan Militia members disguised as the Mexican Army. "The International Wolverine Conspiracy has for over a century laid the blame for the massacre at the Alamo on the government of Mexico. Nothing is further from the truth," explained the group's Bo Vicious. "Actually, they were killed by armed forces sent by the Michigan State Legislature in a land grab gone awry."

While most historians dismiss the band's claim, it should be noted that a recent archeological dig at the Alamo unearthed "Mexican" army uniforms...colored maize and blue.

Bo Biafra is joined by joyful Buckeyes after a stunning 76-0 victory over the Wolverines in their 2004 meeting.
Bo had predicted the exact winning score during radio interviews and newspaper features across Ohio and Michigan.
Coach Jim Tressel wept after the game telling Biafra, "You are our guiding light. God Bless you and all Dead Schembechlers!"

Against all odds, a plucky Buckeye team that found itself a 3429 point underdog before kickoff, beat the Michigan Wolverines like a snare drum at a Slipknot concert and went on to victory by a score of 76-0.  The victory marked the 101st straight win by the Bucks over the Wolverines who are still winless in the series.

 The most incredible part of the historic ass whomping over the scum sucking leeches of Ann Arbor was that the Bucks won by the exact score predicted by Dead Schembechlers frontman Bo Biafra prior to the game.  Bo had made the prediction in the band's front page article in the November 19th edition of the Detroit Free Press.  He also predicted the outcome during radio interviews with Detroit sports radio The Fan, on the Mitch Albom show on WJR in Detroit and on Columbus airwaves during an interview with Brian Phillips on CD101.

 While many Buck players shouted that Biafra be given the game ball he humbly refused saying, "Dead Schembechlers were only doing our jobs to rattle those heathen fucks. It is more than enough for us to know that we were the deciding factor in this mighty win. God is with us and all Buckeye fans."  Moments later, Bo was given the honor of receiving a rose petal enema with the flowers the Michigan Wolverines had insisted be kept at The Horse Shoe in anticipation of them securing the Big Ten title on sacred Buckeye ground. Locker room reporters chortled heartily as Biafra said, "I find it comically ironic that, thanks to the Buckeyes win, the Wolverines have the taste of shit in their mouths while my ass has the sweet smell of roses!"

 Following the game the band members were whisked away to luxury accommodations at a Motel 6 in Akron where they drank cough syrup, made out with cheerleaders and laughed about the Wolverines having to wring the piss out of their panties far into the night.  Local police only laughed when asked to arrest the band for lewd and lascivious behavior.

Scenes from the 2004 Hate Michigan Rally. See more in the PHOTOS section of the site

 For the first time since sparking the "High Street Riots of '96" Dead Schembechlers returned to their hometown of Columbus, Ohio and rocked the shit out of a massive sell out crowd at Oldfield's on High. Emotions ran to the extreme as Schembechler starved fans crowded the stage with many suffering from heat exhaustion. Sixteen were treated at area hospitals and released.

 The appearance was emceed by Brian Phillips of Columbus radio station CD101 who is reportedly now referring to himself on the air as "the fifth Schembechler." The band hit the stage to the sounds of "Across the Field" which was used as the band’s entrance music.  During the blistering set Bo Biafra spit, cursed and waved his arms about like a marionette on acid. Bo Thunders fought off a heavily medicated nervous system to get out some screaming solos. Bo Vicious, traumatized since childhood when his family were eaten by Wolverine players prior to a game with the Bucks, just kind of stood there and Bo Scabies pounded his pagan skins like a man on an overdose of speed. Actually, shortly before the set, he had eaten a handful of methamphetamine tablets that he mistook for Advil. While many fans argued what the highlight of the show was most would agree that it was the band performing their seminal hit "I Hate Michigan" no less than FIVE times during the set. The show culminated with a hotly debated topic...did Bo Biafra really bite the head off of an actual Wolverine? More on that is below. The gig was opened by local Columbus outfits Watershed (mistakenly referred to onstage by Bo Biafra as "WaterCLOSET) and Twincam. Following the show everyone went out and got laid. Here is the set list for Dead Schembechlers at the 2004 Hate Michigan Rally:

 Dead Schembechlers
Buckeye Bop
I Wipe My Ass with Wolverine Fur
Michigan Stadium is A Pile of Shit
I Hate Michigan
I Hate Michigan
I Hate Michigan
I Don't Wanna Go Up to Ann Arbor
Stukas Over 23
M Means Moron
Bo for 24
I'm Not Gay But I Wanna Fuck Brutus Buckeye
I Hate Michigan
I Hate Michigan
Wide Left: The Ballad of Mike Lantry
Hey Fuck Lloyd Carr
Dead Schembechlers (reprise)

A blood spattered Bo Biafra at the close of the 2004 Hate Michigan Rally

 As the final chords of Dead Schembechlers appearance at the 2004 Hate Michigan Rally were being bashed out Bo Biafra took to the center stage and appeared to bite the head off of a Wolverine. The crowd roared its approval but the question remained...was it an actual Wolverine or a hand puppet wearing that tiny Michigan jersey?

While only a complete and utter fucking moron would believe the former it seems that a local group is trying to make waves by attacking Dead Schembechlers for cruelty. Members of the radical group P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tofu Arrogantly took a moment from their busy lives of forcing their children to become docile by eating Prozac, drinking seventy five dollar cups of coffee and telling the rest of the world how to live to bad mouth the band.

 Chief Wahoo for these clowns, Diane Trachtenberg of Flint, Michigan said the following, "I don't like blood, I don't like punk rock and I don't like Dead Schembechlers!" While the band refused to comment on her comments we should comment that she was later found dead with the words "DEAD SCHEMBECHLERS WUZ HERE" tattooed on her skull.  Michigan Police are baffled by the case and report no clues.

Mainframes at the company that supplies the band's web hosting exploded and caught fire from overuse

 Hate Michigan Week was not only a boon for the Buckeyes, it was also a high water mark for the nearly 15 year career of the men that call themselves Dead Schembechlers. In the week culminating with the game this website received over one and one half million hits! The band members are shocked yet pleased at these incredible numbers. Web surfers from across the U.S.A. and Canada made up the bulk of visitors but they were not the only ones. The site received visits from Brazil, The Netherlands, Germany, Israel, Ireland, Argentina, Iceland, Austria, France and dozens of other nations around the world. Two special groups of web surfers do get special thanks directly from the band. First, the members of our armed forces, many of whom were visiting us for some much needed fun from overseas. Dead Schembechlers thank each and every one of you. Second, the band would like to send out all of the Wolverine Hate in their hearts to the thousands of OSU students who have helped spread the word about the band around the world. "The kids have been fucking sensational," said drummer Bo Scabies. "Many of them have added us to their IMs and Aims and profiles and all that other computer shit. We hope that this will lead to many of them sleeping with us in the future." He also added the following, "We know that you kids all do the file sharing thing. That's fine with other groups because they're all rich but Chester Bennington has more pools than we have pubic hairs. Please steal his music and not ours."

The Dead Schembechlers landed the cover of the Detroit Free Press for The Hate Michigan Rally '04.

 We shit you not. During Hate Michigan Week 2004 the band became an actual media sensation by totally dominating the radio and print media in Ohio and Michigan. Radio stations in Columbus including CD101, The Fan and The Blitz added the band into ultra heavy rotations sometimes playing the band as many as six times PER HOUR (on just one station!). Detroit stations were not immune with Stoney & Wojo from Sports Radio AM 1130 The Fan debating Bo Biafra about the Bucks versus Wolverine rivalry and playing multiple tunes by the band. Bo also appeared on the Mitch Albom show on WJR 760 AM where he correctly predicted the Bucks 76-0 victory. Mitch played 5-6 songs during the interview alone. As if that were not enough Dead Schembechlers managed to break the usual stranglehold of the Liberal Wolverine Media with write ups in Ohio papers The Columbus Dispatch, The Other Paper and Alive. The group also pulled off the impossible by landing a FRONT PAGE story in The Detroit Free Press complete with photo. We have provided links to just a few of the stories below. If you have any links to other stories about Dead Schembechlers please mail them to us.

All material is copyright 2006 Dead Schembechlers Uber Alles Inc. and Flaming Wolverine Death Records.
No material may be reproduced in part or in whole without written consent from holders.